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By: Gowan McGland
Date: 4/2/98 12:11:26 PM
# Replies: 61
TORONTO (Reuters) - A Canadian man is suing his surgeon for advising him to use tape and half-kilogram weights to stretch his penis after an operation to enlarge the organ went wrong.
The 30 year old man, identified only as ``S.T.'', claimed his penis is deformed and scarred after undergoing the procedure, which he saw advertised in a newspaper by Dr. Robert Stubbs, a licensed practitioner and plastic surgeon.
In a court statement released this week, S.T. charged that Stubbs claimed his ``micro penis'' could be lengthened, but made no mention of the fact that he expected the patient to attach heavy weights to his penis after the surgery.
The man complained that on one occasion the weights came loose and fell through his pants in a public place, causing him considerable embarrassment.
Stubbs said in a statement to the court that he had warned the patient of the risks of the surgery and did not recommend the procedure. He said he had performed elongation surgery on more than 70 men, using a procedure first developed in China. ^REUTERS@
Response #1
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/2/98 12:22:13 PM
Now see, going to a doctor named "Stubbs" to get your penis surgically lengthened just doesn't seem like a good idea to begin with.
Response #2
By: Hijinx
Date: 4/2/98 4:06:42 PM
that reminds me of the guy in the "Jim Rose Sideshow Circus"-The Amazing Mr. Lifto...he lifts all kindsa heavy stuff with the piercings in his body...
Nose
Ears
Tongue
and, oh, yes!
Schlong!
It's available on video...you don't wanna miss it...well, you might.
Response #3
By: Zanda
Date: 4/2/98 10:00:03 PM
Well, I think that if you are stupid enough to attach a wieght to your dick you kinda get what you deserve. I know if a doctor told me to attach weights to my breast to make them bigger, I think I would call the AMA or something
Response #4
By: rorschach
Date: 4/3/98 12:44:45 PM
no no... thats what BREAST FEEDING is for....
Response #5
By: Mycroft
Date: 4/3/98 4:10:04 PM
And silicone
Response #6
By: Cleotis
Date: 4/3/98 8:27:20 PM
I want a silicone chip for my computer.
Response #7
By: rorschach
Date: 4/4/98 10:06:34 AM
I want a GaAS chip for mine.......
Response #8
By: Ralf
Date: 4/4/98 6:07:27 PM
Feh. Galium Arsenide's so 80's.
Think multiple, cheap processor arrays. A 32x32x32 cube of 486-100's will not just beat a Cray XMP, it'll SIT ON ITS CHEST AND RIP ITS FREEKIN HEAD OFF!
Or, take a decent off-the-shelf Pentium and plunge that bastard down to a few degrees above absolute zero. You could overclock it a gigahertz or two, I bet.
Response #9
By: Zanda
Date: 4/5/98 12:26:01 AM
I went the breast feeding route myself....a to c in 3 short days....owwwwwww....
Response #10
By: rorschach
Date: 4/5/98 5:59:45 PM
sure, in fact it has been done at los alamos they have a new teraflop super computer out there thats basically a massively paralell array of pentium pro's..... i forget how many... but the question is... will it emulate a C64? mine will......hell, i can have MULTIPLE c64 emulations running.... can it? huh? can it?
Response #11
By: Ralf
Date: 4/5/98 6:23:26 PM
Heh.. how many copies of M.U.L.E. *can* you play at once?
Re: Breast/Penis enlargement. Isn't it odd that we, as a society, place special signicance on SOME body parts being larger than others? Why is it nobody's lining up for butt-expansion surgery? Or leg-extensions?
As an alternative, wouldn't it be easier to change mass perception?
Through clever/subversive advertising, convince western civilization that bald, fat, small-penised, flat-chested people are more desireable than the army of Calvin Klien Klones foisted off on us now?
Response #12
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/5/98 11:57:40 PM
[Dennis Franz for L'oreal]
Hey, don't hate me 'cause I'm, like, freakin' beautiful, all right?
Response #13
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/6/98 5:59:11 AM
Response #14
By: Zanda
Date: 4/6/98 10:57:52 PM
Well, to tell you the truth I am pretty darn mad that 300 years ago I would have been considered to have the perfect body. Rapheal,Micheal Angelo...and the rest of them painted and revered women that look strikingly similar to me. Back then if you looked like these super models they thought that you were sick therefore not good for having a passel of babies. So, I say WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED???? BTW,I am by no means obese...I'm just curvy:)
Response #15
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/7/98 6:05:17 PM
MmmmmMMMmm.... curvy.....
Response #16
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/7/98 10:50:12 PM
What happened:
The Sears Underwear Catalog. In the 40s (so the story goes), Sears-Roebucks was selling underwear in their catalog, and the Decency crowd complained that their sons (and daughters.. heh) were wanking off to the images portrayed therein.
So Sears hired models who were supposed to be skinny and unattractive, only that didn't matter to little Junior in the woodshed on that lazy Sunday evening...
Thus, allegedly, was the modern fascination with fragile femininity brought to fruition.
Response #17
By: sooz
Date: 4/8/98 1:21:29 PM
That's the most interesting theory I've heard yet! I'll buy it.
Response #18
By: rorschach
Date: 4/8/98 7:57:12 PM
That'll be $37.50 please..... would you like to use your Sears or Discover card today?
Response #19
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/9/98 7:39:50 PM
Another theory has to do with making it fashionable for women to appear weak and easy to beat up. Still another one has to do with women being more 'spiritual' than men, since they obviously (heh) do so much less in and of the world. Thus, if they look frail they must be more of spirit than of flesh.
--camille "the brave" paglia
Response #20
By: sooz
Date: 4/9/98 8:32:14 PM
I'm female and pretty fleshy. What's that get me?
Response #21
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/10/98 2:35:30 AM
Lots of smooches from neo-pagan earth-spritiuality pantheists.
:-)
Response #22
By: sooz
Date: 4/11/98 12:08:38 PM
They don't mind kissing Christians? Cool. I'm ready.
Response #23
By: Mycroft
Date: 4/14/98 2:08:05 PM
Most pagans are pretty easy....
Response #24
By: Jay
Date: 4/15/98 9:55:32 AM
all that pachuli oil make 'em light headed
Response #25
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/16/98 4:36:34 AM
No, that's the hippies, although there is definately some overlap.
Response #26
By: Zanda
Date: 4/19/98 9:05:43 PM
I have never understood why some people seem to think that it is an attractive thing to quit bathing and judt layer on the pachuli.....bleh...yuck
Response #27
By: Crush the State
Date: 5/28/98 7:00:23 AM
Whores are always whores. People like skinny because - like the fascination in porn with "barely legal" - it makes something exotic out of the mudane, without ever delving beyond the mudane APPROACH to the mundane.
Consumer commodity demands always whores. :)
Response #28
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 5/30/98 1:13:21 AM
I always wondered what happened to Iron Ball McGinty.
Response #29
By: sooz
Date: 5/31/98 5:08:18 PM
I'm starting to understand. Anything that's not exactly like Crush is whorish, mstupid, or intolerant.
Response #30
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 5/31/98 5:15:10 PM
I think you hit it Sooz!
Response #31
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 6/2/98 2:41:48 AM
Ideologues are always fun for fireworks.
Response #32
By: Ralf
Date: 6/4/98 5:57:53 PM
I *still* think Crush is a 'bot.
Response #33
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 6/4/98 9:18:49 PM
What's bot?
What's not?
Response #34
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 6/5/98 2:14:55 AM
No, Crush is a dear friend of ours from waaaay back. The one that makes you think of that line from Bill And Ted Go To Hell: "Our death metal album covers lied to us!"
Response #35
By: Ralf
Date: 6/5/98 7:26:15 PM
You know, I *really* liked that movie. I and the other six people that saw it...
Response #36
By: Da Sissop
Date: 6/5/98 8:23:57 PM
I'd *really* appreciate if everyone who might be holding onto longstanding grudges from waaaay back would take a deep breath, contemplate who they are today versus who they were 4 or 5 years ago, and then think about Pakistan and India's nuclear tests.
Then, later, we can all go out for ice cream! Yaay!
Response #37
By: Loki
Date: 6/6/98 3:24:42 AM
You're just trying to destract us. It's a plot. You just don't want us to try hacking the complex intellectual angst subroutines you've carefully integrated into the "Crush" 'bot's personality.
Wait, did you say ice cream?
Response #38
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 6/6/98 12:31:08 PM
Ever been to Amy's?
Bets Ice Cream I have ever had, they even have BEER ice cream, that has a high enough alcohol content, the have to have a liror license, and you have to provide an ID to buy it! The Pina Coloda, and Margarite are also great!
I hear they have a coupl in Houston now too!
Response #39
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 6/7/98 6:29:13 AM
Ya know...there *are* places one shouldn't go with ice cream flavors...beer, Hamburger Helper, Crest, Ritz...Pralines and Dick..ahem.
Response #40
By: Ralf
Date: 6/7/98 9:44:02 AM
I'm quite fond of the Clitorus flavor.
Response #41
By: Mycroft
Date: 6/7/98 10:45:05 AM
Amy's ice cream is _goood_. When I worked for a bead shop (nomadic notions) and carried a big wooden sign all over the montrose no matter HOW hot it was, I ate lunch at Amy's every day. because i could. When you burn off 2500 calories between 2:30 and 5 pm, a large dark chocolate with reese's crushed into it makes sense. Now I just use Amy's to cheer up sexy little redhead girls... How I've fallen.
Response #42
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 6/7/98 12:58:06 PM
So, that's where the sexy little redheaded girls have gone.
Response #43
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 6/7/98 1:24:56 PM
Zane, I would agree with you. Esp, having some years ago having tried some beer ice cream from this other place that had it, and it was horrible! Theirs however, really wasn't bad. The Pina Coloda however, was Very VERY good.
Response #44
By: Jay
Date: 6/7/98 8:29:25 PM
ooohhh...a Crush Groove kinda thing...
Response #45
By: sooz
Date: 6/8/98 12:40:55 AM
I'm without any grudges, but I could try to work one up if Ralf doesn't at least occasoinally start wearing pants.
Aw, hell. Leave 'em off.
Response #46
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 6/8/98 5:25:56 AM
Spastic: Does one salt the rim of the cone? I'd try beer ice cream once, just so I could say that I'd tried it...but being the beer snob that I am, the closest thing to domestic I'll put up with is Shiner Bock.
Sooz: I dunno. Once Ralf gets pants, then he'll have pockets, then he'll start looking for things to put in them. You've made the right choice...plus, in a pant-free environment, shaking your leg after farting looks even MORE silly...or so I hear.
Response #47
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 6/8/98 10:17:04 PM
As a matter of fact, they did have Shiner Bock ice cream for awhile. Salt? I don't know, if you're one of those people that like salty beer, or heavens forbid, one of those real knobs that can't make up their mind about whether they want to drink beer or lemonade!
Response #48
By: Loki
Date: 6/11/98 3:58:34 AM
Wow, ice cream really IS an effective distraction from "Crush"!! I will never doubt Da Sissop again.
Response #49
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 6/16/98 6:21:51 PM
Salty beer?! Heavens no! I was speaking of a Pina Colada cone, but after posting, I realized that you salt Margaritas and not Pina Coladas...but I just took a 'fuckit and drive on' attitude about it once I had logged off. "Sorry about that, Chief."
Zane The Cone of Insolence
Response #50
By: Fierce Pancake
Date: 6/18/98 3:30:33 PM
[glowers at Mycroft]
The redhead told _ME_ she was lactose intolerant last time I tried to coax her into Amy's. Figures.
Response #51
By: Mycroft
Date: 6/19/98 8:56:50 PM
You know how she is... She's bleeding psycho when it comes to keeping the places that men take her seperate... Maybe she get's short-term amnesia every time she goes to the bathroom , so she has to keep us seperate so she can remembe who she's with when she comes out... "I see cows on the wall, this must be Amy's and the boy mustbe... Bear!" "What's TFP doing here? Where's Bear? I'll go ask..."
Response #52
By: Fierce Pancake
Date: 6/22/98 4:08:33 PM
Heh, yeah. Actually I think I tried to get her to go there before you took her, but wasn't as persuasive or forceful or whatever the required quality is.
Not that anyone really has a valid excuse for not wanting Amy's ice cream, MMMMmmmm....
Response #53
By: Mycroft
Date: 6/27/98 2:25:22 PM
That's right.... I used to live on the stuff, AND loose weight doing it! (something about treking around in hosuton summers all day carrying a big wooden sign...)
Uhm, part of the required quality has to be feigned disinterest. Real disinterest is bad, as is feigned interest; feigned disinterest works.
BTW, does anyone know when and how we're actually supposed to sue a semicolon?
Response #54
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 6/28/98 8:40:39 PM
I think it requires a lawyer with a 2nd major in english.
Try and find one of those!
Response #55
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 6/29/98 5:50:38 AM
A semicolon has almost the same clout as a period, but it keeps the idea going; the sentence may have ended, but the author obviously has too much to say.
Response #56
By: Da Sissop
Date: 7/1/98 2:02:01 PM
Yeah; what he said.
Response #57
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 7/1/98 11:49:11 PM
By the way, ObRelevance: Micro-penis is a penis that is not so much small as it sort of retracts into one's body.
Don't ask me how I know.
Response #58
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 7/14/98 1:39:04 AM
Hmmm, perhaps the term 'Prarie Dog Penis' would be more appropo...
Response #59
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 7/15/98 1:06:08 AM
Detachable Penis?
Sorry, I love King Missle
Response #60
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 8/1/98 11:15:48 PM
Speaking of detatchables...proper usage of this little gem should be included on ANYONE'S resume.
http://www.stockroom.com/a490.htm
..oh yea, don't ask. ZtD
Response #61
By: Ralf
Date: 8/2/98 3:20:47 PM
It's got what appears to be a remote-control device... do you even need to be in the same room with it?