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By: Shadow Sprite
Date: 5/3/98 5:09:50 PM
# Replies: 19
My next-door neighbors in my apartment complex grill steaks outside my door every sunday. That's it. That's the ocurence, and it couldn't get much more domestic than that. ...I'm hungry. Ever notice how good burning charcoal smells?
Response #1
By: Loki
Date: 5/3/98 9:33:38 PM
Ever notice how good burning neighbors smell?
Response #2
By: Da Sissop
Date: 5/3/98 11:27:53 PM
Ahhh, the simple joys of apartment living.
At the Timmons address I had "Baw Haw" the lesbian living in the unit below me, so nicknamed because of her booming bellylaughs that would reverberate throughout the complex, setting off car alarms and whatnot. One night she had a fight with her girlfriend that ended with a gunshot. Nobody got hurt. And she was also the only neighbor I ever *intentionally* tried to disturb. One night, after she and some friends had kept *me* awake with their baw-hawing and woo-hooing (and this was a weeknight.. I had to be at work in the morning), they finally fell silent around 4:30 - 5:00-ish. And since i figured an hour of sleep might do me more harm than good, I decided I'd just stay awake and do some vaccuuming.
And there was the "Buddhist Monk," a guy who would roam the complex barefooted in a long flowing orange robe. I remember him struggling with the little door of his mailbox one day, which had popped off its hinges. I helped him put it back in place, but it was really cool to see this guy, this embodiment of peace, straining and struggling to get this goddamned stupid piece of fucking steel into the goddamn little holes.
Then, in Atlanta, for awhile I lived in the fabulous Darlington, a mid-rise building which provided me with the dorm-living experience I never had in college. My next-door neighbor was "Classic Rock Guy," an obnoxious fellow who would frequently get drunk/stoned and pass out with either the classic rock radio station on way too loud, or, on one particularly nightmarish night, with his vinyl album of "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane" set on autorepeat... the same five songs, repeated all FREAKIN' night. If I never hear Grace Slick's grating voice again, it will be too soon.
He's also the same guy who passed out one night with a pizza in the oven, didn't hear his smoke alarm going off, and didn't wake up until the fire department arrived and dragged his sorry ass out into the hall so all the other neighbors could look at him and chuckle amongst themselves.
Then, back in Houston, at the San Felipe address, I had paper-thin walls and a couple living next door who would, on alternate nights, either be fighting or fucking.
None of my neighbors have ever grilled anything, though.
Response #3
By: rorschach
Date: 5/4/98 12:31:13 PM
reminds me of the one and ONLY time I have lived in an apartment. (never again I may ADD...)
becky and I lived on the third (and top floor) floor of some apartments over accross the freeway from greenspoint mall on northbourough, lived there exactly 11 months of a 12 month lease. the AC would run nonstop from march until october and the temp would never get below 80 in daytime... the neighbor below and next door decided to have one helluva blowout on new years. and a blowout he DID have.... while litterally BOUNCING all my pictures off the wall until 3 or 4 am... he decides to celebrate midnite with some fireworks, but since thats in the city and he didn't HAVE any fireworks, he substituted his .357 Magnum.......i found 11 shell casings the next morning, as well as two cars with blown out back windshields.... I was terrified that one of those bullets would peirce my bedroom ceiling on it's return trip. to my knowledge the cops didn't do a goddamned thing about it either....
Response #4
By: sooz
Date: 5/4/98 7:02:29 PM
I live in a house. You know, a suburban, beige, brick, 3-bedroom house. But don't let the exterior fool ya... it gets funky around here.
See, we got the basic crazy Mexican across the street. (I'm allowed to say this, as I married a sane Mexican.) He tells Black children that ride by on bicycles that "niggers aren't allowed on the sidewalk." He bbq's in his front driveway. He's drunk almost all the time. He plays his car stereo REALLY LOUD all the time, weather permitting or not.
Combine this with the fact that, by some fluke, I ended up typing his medical reports for his recent surgeries. I seem to work for his doctors, and I know what it'd take to do the guy in.
It's fun here. Come visit.
Response #5
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 5/4/98 8:18:10 PM
Oh, and here I was thinking Austin was paradise on Earth.
Response #6
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 5/4/98 10:54:03 PM
Hey I live in Austin.
It use to be paradise... until they let all the white people in.
There goes the neighborhood!
Response #7
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 5/5/98 12:55:12 AM
Geez.... How come nothin' cool ever happens where I live?
Sorc'(Rev)
Response #8
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 5/5/98 1:07:04 AM
Oh Fang...does this sound familiar?
-----[Opening Temporal Vortex]--------
Some of you may recall a month or so I recounted a tale about my neighbor, Classic Rock Guy, who had come home from work one evening, placed some munchies in the oven, and then passed out drunk or stoned or some such. When his smoke alarm went off, it failed to rouse him, and neighbors were concerned by the sound of the alarm, the smell of smoke, and the lack of response to their pounding on his door. The fire department came and the building management opened his door. They woke him up, brought him out into the hallway, and all the neighbors had a good laugh at his expense. About a week ago I was jarred awake by the sound of an extremely loud motor around 3 a.m. I immediately jumped out of bed and ran to my computer, thinking the power supply was about to blow. But no, that wasn't it. The sound was coming from the hallway outside my door. I cursed the idiot who was vacuuming the hall at this time of night, and opened the door to see who it was. Down at the end of the hall I could see firemen in asbestos suits. I sighed, put on some clothes, and wandered down the hall, barefooted and wiping the sleep from my eyes a la Beaver Cleaver. "So what's going on?" "Oh, it was in the trash chute. The fire's out. We're just clearing out the smoke now." "Ah. So I can go back to bed." "Yeah, I guess it's safe now."
Last night I awoke around 4 a.m. to a new sound. A buzzing. I cursed the idiot who was operating the trash compactor at this time of night. Then I heard the sound of sirens. I sighed, put on my clothes, and went out into the empty hall, down eight flights of stairs, and out into the cool Atlanta night. As I exited the building I recognized an older black man as one of the building maintenance people. He was sitting on the curb with a woman, and as I closed the door to the stairwell behind me he said, "Well, there's one." "So that's the new alarm system," I said. "That's it," he replied. "Not particularly alarming." He laughed. I wandered around to the front of the building where all the trucks and flashing lights were. There were about 20 more people standing around in various states of consciousness. An old man wandered around holding a piggy bank. A plump woman who was entirely too cheerful greeted people as they exited the front of the building with "We've got to stop meeting like this!" I could see that inside, in the lobby, there were dozens more people seated on the floor, leaning against the walls. Some had their most prized possessions. One had a portable television. I went inside and saw a large amount of water dripping from the ceiling by the elevators. "There's water all over the second floor," someone said. "They haven't seen any fire yet, but they figure the water is probably from the new sprinkler system." I stood and waited near a group of black men who were having an impromptu Def Comedy Jam at the expense of some of the firefighters. "They're all brothers. What, did Captain Fuhrman send ya'll out here?" Around 5 a.m. they finally gave the word that there was no danger, and those of us who lived above the 2nd floor could return to our apartments. But we had to use the stairs. Everyone but one seated in the lobby stood up and gathered up their possessions. I went around to the hallway behind the elevators and opened a stairway door. Water was dripping profusely from above. I stopped, and the group of Def Comedians stopped behind me. "Aw man!" I led the group around the corner to another stairway, and opened the door. Water was gushing down the stairs like a waterfall. "Aw man, we're following YOU?" We split up, and I went back outside, around to the side of the building where I had come down. I climbed 8 and a half flights of stairs before realizing I had overshot my destination. I went back to the 8th floor, shed my clothes, went back into my apartment and got into bed. Through the wall I could hear Classic Rock Guy's television. He had slept through it all once again.
-----[Closing Temporal Vortex]-----
Response #9
By: Da Sissop
Date: 5/5/98 11:05:48 AM
That *does* sound familiar. Is it from Great Expectations?
Response #10
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 5/5/98 8:27:51 PM
I think it was Great Expectorations
Response #11
By: sooz
Date: 5/6/98 12:53:00 PM
Pardon my interruption, but wherefore in Austin livest thou?
Response #12
By: jaka
Date: 5/6/98 1:27:58 PM
Wherefore. Means. WHY.
Sorry. Pet peeve.
Response #13
By: Da Sissop
Date: 5/6/98 1:49:32 PM
Whoa! It's true! I just looked it up!
Shakespeare was a HACK!
Response #14
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 5/6/98 10:43:19 PM
Maybe Will had a Furball?
Sooz, I live not too very far the Arboretum. The wifey works at the HEB at Breaker @183. I am guessing that you also live here?
Response #15
By: sooz
Date: 5/7/98 4:39:26 PM
So, it's like "Romeo, Romeo, why are you?" That makes no danged sense.
Response #16
By: Shadow Sprite
Date: 5/9/98 9:17:31 AM
Actually, if she was talking about the Leo DiCaprio "Romeo" then "Why are you?" makes perfect sense.
Response #17
By: Mycroft
Date: 5/9/98 11:58:35 AM
The line is "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Then she goes onto the entire "give up thy name" bit and the oh-to-goddamn-cute "rose by any other name" bit. "Why are you Romeo?" makes sense. Imagine the kind of self-questioning you'ld pose upon finding out that the really close cyber-guy you'ld had a psychic crush on for months turned out to be Rush Limbaugh...
Response #18
By: XeonoeX
Date: 7/8/98 5:50:04 PM
A solution for annoying neighbors....
Become one yourself. My neighbor across the street used to like to play his bassed out noise pollution at all hours of the night... well, come to find out he works graveyard shifts and sleeps durring the day.. well, as it would happen, I own a mobile DJ, lighting and sound company.. I can crank out almost 15,000 watts out of a mobile system. So, it was only a matter of setting up the system in my front yard, and blasting him with old Black Sabbath tunes all afternoon long. Needless to say, he got the point and now keeps his "Ear-Spank" down to a reasonable level. If ya can't join em, blow em the hell out of the way.
-Bill
Response #19
By: rorschach
Date: 7/8/98 8:36:52 PM
hey bill... could i borrow one of your amps for a couple of days.....