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By: Homer The Brave
Date: 8/30/98 9:00:05 PM
# Replies: 62
So yesterday I went for a little drive to Olympia, WA, capitol of this great state and heroin capitol of the local psyche.
Anyway, before I left town, I stopped at the local QFC (Quite Fucking Costly) to get a frosty beverage. However, not only did I find a frosty beverage, I found something else, something very special.
Yes, what else could it be, besides that Holy Grail of GenX nostalgia marketing: Quisp. A huge display of the stuff, blue boxes beconing consumers to... consume. Naturally, being a consumer, I had to buy a box.
Three dollars later, I was on my way to Olympia, beQuisped. I would scarcely give the box another thought until I had returned, such was my adventure to the south.
I arrived home, eagerly opened the box, poured some soy milk (hey, I live with hippies) over a bowlful of the crisp little UFOs... and... suddenly I was 10 years old. It was quite a powerful experience, and I am at a loss to understand how a simple spoonful of sugary cornmeal can trigger such vivid regression. I also find it eerie that I am so completely in the grip of General Foods.
Response #1
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 8/30/98 10:23:12 PM
I can honestly say I have no idea what Quisp is.
It's not a generational thing, as we're roughly the same age.
Some kind of cereal, eh?
Response #2
By: sooz
Date: 8/30/98 10:50:10 PM
I'm there, Homer. Yes, Quisp... he was a little Martian-type fellow that lived on the front of this box of cereal. There were 2... Quisp and Quake, see. There was a big contest, the hype being that only one would survive, and you got to vote. Apparently, Quisp must have won.
Anyway, they were in the same generation with King Vitamin, and Life and Lucky Charms when they were new.
Response #3
By: Da Sissop
Date: 8/31/98 6:54:25 AM
Apparently Quisp is making a comeback. Yay!
Now if they'd just bring back the Freakies, I'll be set for life.
Response #4
By: Cleotis
Date: 9/3/98 11:22:12 PM
Never heard of quisp, but what really disturbs me is that Homer ate it with soy milk.
I am truly disgusted.
Response #5
By: rorschach
Date: 9/4/98 9:44:00 PM
AND LIKED IT!
GROSS!
homer? where do you find these wierdos?
Response #6
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/4/98 11:51:07 PM
'Soy Beverage' is good... Just don't try to pretend that it's milk.
And just to clue you in... I *AM* ONE OF THOSE WEIRDOS.
Response #7
By: Ralf
Date: 9/5/98 12:46:16 PM
It's the same with all meatless syntho-foods. Meatless corn-dogs taste GREAT, but nothing like corn-dogs.
Think of it as a different genre of food, and you'll be better off.
If you really must have fake meat that TASTES like fake meat, they're doing wonderous things with wheat gluten, but it requires a master chef to pull off a real subterfuge. I've had fake shrimps that tasted like the real thing, but only once.
Doesn't soy milk make you flatulant?
Response #8
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 9/6/98 12:00:53 PM
Fake Meat?!!??! An abomination!
Sorc'(Carnivore)
Response #9
By: sooz
Date: 9/6/98 1:01:08 PM
I had a friend that would get wiggy whenever someone said "chicken fajitas", because "fajita" in Spanish means "beef skirt". So, he wanted to know how they got a beef skirt off the chicken.
Response #10
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 9/6/98 2:14:27 PM
Thanks to the modern miracle of genetic engineering!!
Response #11
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/6/98 11:21:28 PM
I always get fajita-*style* chicken (meaning, slaughter the chicken, and then cook it as if it were a really poor cut of beef).
Response #12
By: Ralf
Date: 9/7/98 8:01:49 AM
Before I was layed off ("They killed HumanSoft! Those bastards!") one of the projects I was working on was a vital statistics registry. You know, logging new births into a central repository so the kids' vaccinations could be tracked from the moment they get their first shot in the birthing room.
So anyway, I'm cruising the sample data set from an actual hospital... the NAMES people are giving their kids today.
I kid you not, one of them was "Fajita Jones".
Response #13
By: Da Sissop
Date: 9/7/98 8:39:33 AM
Heh.. I'm reminded of the classic Burt Reynolds movie, "Paternity." Burt's looking through a book of baby names and their meanings, and he hits upon "Quinby. Do you know what that one means?" And the housekeeper says "Yeah, it means your son won't have any friends."
And when the plane carrying the kids' soccer team crashes in the Andes, which kid do you suppose is gonna be the first one they eat?
Response #14
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/7/98 11:29:18 AM
"Hey! Your name is Quinby! That's close to Quisp! I love Quisp! You're first!"
Response #15
By: sooz
Date: 9/7/98 10:09:43 PM
They're gonna munch Fajita first.
From my days in a hospital, Ralf, I'm familiar with the Name Game. Besides the bizarre (which I'll remember later), there's always the trendy names.
Around '90 - lots of white boys named Stevie Ray. Late '80's - lots of black girls named Whitney. Mid/Late '90's - lots of Hispanic girls named Selena.
You get the idea.
Response #16
By: Hijinx
Date: 9/7/98 11:40:56 PM
hey, Jones is my last name...it's my long lost brother, Fajita!!!
ya know...my wife, being a vegetarian, tries to get me to eat that "fake meat" crap and tells me it tastes just like whatever its real counterpart is...well, here's a hint..."FAKE" meat...she even calls it that, so how can it be "REAL?"
Freakin' vegetarians...boy do I love her.
Response #17
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/8/98 12:35:11 AM
Is she a vegetarian because it's more healthy or is she one of those vegetarians that's worried about the feelings of the animal?
Response #18
By: Ralf
Date: 9/8/98 7:24:02 AM
My sister went through a militant vegan phase, where she declared it was wrong to eat other living creatures. The following debate ensued (paraphrased for brevity):
Me: Would you eat animals if they LIKED being eaten?
Her: That's stupid.
Me: No, seriously. What if we genetically engineered a cow that WANTED to be eaten? Like in Hitchhiker's Guide?
Her: Well, no, because it'd still feel pain. It'd know, and *I* would know I was causing another creature physical pain.
Me: Okay, so what if we genetically engineered meat that lived in a vat, with no awareness at all, no NERVE ENDINGS, not even actually alive -- but still tasted like the best steak ever?
Her: That's disgusting.
(She never did give in. If it wasn't a plant, she wasn't interested. She was just against the idea entirely. Eventually she went back to her Whataburger eatin' ways... but I feel smug to this day about this conversation.)
Response #19
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/9/98 12:11:09 AM
Yeah, but is she cute and single?
Response #20
By: Ralf
Date: 9/9/98 11:57:07 AM
Actually, yes to both. However she is a Tusconian.
(Arizonian?)
Resident of Tuscon, Arizona. In the process of getting divorced.
Response #21
By: Da Sissop
Date: 9/9/98 7:38:25 PM
AND.. she used to own a rat named Boris, which motivated *me* to get into the rat business many many years ago.
Response #22
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/9/98 10:45:24 PM
I've recently decided, on the spur of the moment, to move to Tucson, Arizona.
Response #23
By: Ralf
Date: 9/10/98 4:23:12 AM
To sweeten the pot, she is a devoted employee of Borders booksellers in Tuscon, and thus enjoys a TREMENDOUS discount & line of credit there.
I believe her part-time job is at a video rental place.
Very into cheesy 50's SF movies, like Vincent Price's "The Tingler".
Shall I go on?
Response #24
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/10/98 9:40:23 PM
It sounds like a match made in heaven.
I need pictures, man! How old is she?
This has to be good if I'm moving to Tucson. The only time I've ever been to Tucson, I hated it.
Response #25
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/11/98 2:09:20 AM
It sounds like a match made in heaven for me, too (it's the dual-Paul thing).
And I *like* Tuscon.
Response #26
By: Ralf
Date: 9/11/98 8:51:58 AM
Hehehe... I'll see if she can send me a recent picture. Jim can scan it.
(I wonder if I should tell her what I need it for? Hmmmm...)
Response #27
By: Da Sissop
Date: 9/11/98 2:07:21 PM
Okay, I've got the picture, and it's right here.
Response #28
By: sooz
Date: 9/11/98 2:26:39 PM
Get outta here. Ya think you can slip that by, just 'cuz she's red-headed like Dave?
Response #29
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 9/12/98 9:23:33 PM
"If you can't be a Vegetarian...Eat a Vegetarian"
Sorc'(I Can't Stop!)
Response #30
By: Ralf
Date: 9/13/98 1:41:08 AM
Now I'm DEFINITELY not telling her what I need the pic for.
Response #31
By: r0et
Date: 9/13/98 5:56:58 AM
buddy of mine makes and sells t-shirts bearing the slogan, "KILL VEGETARIANS AND EAT THEM". curiously enough, most of the folks who've bought 'em are themselves vegetarians. even sold some to waiters at a vegan restaurant. go fig.
luv,
r0et, part-time vegetarian
Response #32
By: rorschach
Date: 9/13/98 9:51:13 PM
My personal read on vegetarians is that they are about three beers short of a six-pack, I don't care HOW lucid they may appear. lets face it, the human body was designed to be an omnivore, everything from the structure of our teeth to the inherent use of tools point to it. do these people think that we should try to teach say, lions, or cheetahs to eat grass? do THEY give a good crap what their prey feels? I seriously doubt it. the term vegans is a good one cuz these people OBVIOUSLY aren't from THIS planet, I don't CARE what the DNA says....
Response #33
By: Ralf
Date: 9/14/98 12:22:07 AM
Come to think of it, my hands appear to be designed PERFECTLY for wrapping around human necks. Therefore, I am denying my hands their evolutionary role... I *must* go on a neck-snapping killing spree!
Sorry, Ror*, I don't buy it this time. Just because our teeth & bodies CAN handle meat doesn't mean they SHOULD.
Response #34
By: Hijinx
Date: 9/14/98 12:48:16 AM
I agree with ya Ralf...also, are colons are shaped like herbivores and not made to handle meat like a carnivore...but that don't mean I don't munch down a triple Steakburger with cheese and bacon from Steak and Shake!
Response #35
By: rorschach
Date: 9/14/98 12:39:09 PM
True vegetarian teeth have much thicker enamel than ours do because eating grass for instance tends to wear down teeth quickly because of all the entrained dirt and sand that you'd get from grazing. True carnivores have much sharper points on thier teeth and thier molars are developed differently. this is so that they can shred thier prey without having to cook it first. True omnivores have thicker enamel than carnivores but not as thick as vegetarians. thier teeth are a compromise between the two. not as sharp as carnivores, but not as flat and sturdy as vegetarians. ergo, WE are true omnivores. now, what about all the true carnivores on the planet? if nature cared one way or another about the feelings of prey animals why would there be prey animals at all?
Response #36
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/14/98 2:16:20 PM
I don't care if you wanna eat rabbit food on a continual basis as long as you don't try to tell ME what to eat.
Besides, that leaves more beef for me.
Response #37
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 9/15/98 1:13:02 AM
Here here! More red meat for us!!
Response #38
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/15/98 3:09:45 AM
Within the sustainability reality-tunnel, things work like this:
A great deal of energy and resources are required to grow enough grain to feed to cattle. One figure I saw said that 90% of grain grown in this country went to feed livestock. I'm not sure I believe it, but the percentage is still pretty high.
Most of this grain is grown in a conventional manner (as opposed to sustainable organic ways), which includes the use of pesticides, a large chunk of which end up in the water table.
Beef is an international growth industry. Multinational food corporations buy beef wherever it is cheapest, and it turns out that it is very cheap to cut down rainforests and turn the area into grazing land for cattle. Which is bad, because... well, you've probably heard the arguements.
So when you buy beef, you are supporting Nasty Evil Things.
Not all vegetarians are such because they feel sorry for the animals; some people are vegetarians because they realize that they're taking up too much space as it is.
Can you tell I've been hanging out with activists?
Response #39
By: r0et
Date: 9/15/98 3:43:57 AM
personally, i hate militant vegetarians as much as i do those who want to shove a steak down everyone's throat. me, i decided to do the Russian Orthodox Lent thing earlier this year for no particular reason. (i'm not especially religious, if anyone asks tell them i'm a confused neo-pagan agnostic, thankyouverymuch.) a Russkie buddy of mine was doing it, and i decided to tag along for the ride. i guess partly because of the ritual "cleansing your system" aspect of it, partly because i found something appealing in the idea of making a commitment to onesself to practice restraint and give something up, and partly because i wasn't all that much of a meat eater in the first place. (on second thought... i probably just did it to give myself an excuse to whip up a massive batch of my vegetarian borsch.) anyhoo, i never really went back to eating meat. not with a vengeance anyway. (tho' i must admit a weakness for Vietnamese barbecued pork...) but i gotta' say, this "rabbit food" notion... that all vegetarians eat only lettuce, chickpeas and brown rice... is the biggest load of flaming BULLSHIT. blame the smelly hippies in California for propagating that crap. that's exactly the kind of thing to *avoid*... Berkeley-style fru-fru loveburger places that think they're doing you some great favor by taking Arab and Indian recepies and totally fucking them up. you know the kind of stuff i'm talking about... bland, mealy... food for luddites. one or two steps up from chowing down on a quart of potting soil. to summarize: hippieshit restaurants make the world's worst falafel. and while there's no way i can really prove to anyone using plain ASCII that not all vegetarian cooking consists of stone-ground wheat germ burgers and soy popsicles, i think a little hands-on (tase buds-on?) research will show that there's plenty of stuff out there that doesn't contain meat and yet tastes just dandy. "dandy"? did i just say that? hmm. swell. swanky. keen. i mean, look at Southern India... approximately two-thirds the population of are vegetarians. and their cuisine is hardly bland and/or "rabbit food". ditto on Arab, Asian and Meditterranean cultures, who all have similarly notable numbers of the meatless faithful. (i've got both of The Meatless Faithful's albums, BTW... and they're FUCKING BRILLIANT!) i openly admit tho', attempts to vegan-ize American staples like hotdogs, hamburgers and whatnot 9 times out of 10 result in bizarre genetic mutations and black bean hockey puck patties. not the stuff dreams are made of. so er, what was my point? i dunno. all of a sudden i feel hungry. <rant mode terminated> "PORK FAT RULES, BABY!"
100% Organically Grown Soy-r0et, militant part-time vegetarian
Response #40
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 9/15/98 3:46:58 AM
Hmmm.... It has become obvious that something is going to have to be done about this. We're just going to have to kill and eat all the vegetarians and associated activists, lest out nefarious plan be revealed to the world.
And with that...it's time for some beef jerky.
Sorc'(Rev)
Response #41
By: sooz
Date: 9/15/98 7:46:27 AM
What I don't get is people gettin' their dander up over what someone else is munching. I know this sounds like a load of hippie horseshit, but why not just all do what we think is right and just in the world?
I heard somewhere that much of people's time is spent trying to convince others to be like them. Doesn't that seem kinda, well, like a waste of time?
Here. Cinnanut Cream coffee, laden with vanilla creamer, and a banana. I'll sacrifice my breakfast.
Response #42
By: rorschach
Date: 9/15/98 12:27:32 PM
I'm not interested in changing anyone, my statements are my opinion and my opinion only. i am a dyed in the wool carnivore myself, despite my dental structure (course i COOK my meat but thats beside the point) I'd just as soon eat steak than green beans even tho I like both...
the argument about all the pesticides that are used to grow wheat and such don't really wash. those pesticides would be used to grow the vegtables you'd otherwise be eating as well. the difference? nada. the rain forest is being cut down not just for beef cultivation, the bottom line is that these countries are litterally DIRT poor. they will make money any damned way they can and the only things they have to sell are agricultural products (including the illegal ones), oil, timber, and mineral deposits. ALL of which require damage to the rain forest. by not buying beef, you are just ensuring that those countries stay dirt poor.
Response #43
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/15/98 11:12:16 PM
Actually, ror*, grain can be grown without pesticides. It worked for millenia...
Also, there is zero need to cut down the rainforests. Crops are growing under the canopy right this very minute, and someone's making bux on it. In fact, they're making more bux than they would otherwise, since they can put 'shade grown' on the package and charge more at hip natural foods stores worldwide.
Personally, I hope that the emerging economies of the 'third world' don't think that they have to be just like the assholes in the USA in order to succeed.
Response #44
By: Ralf
Date: 9/15/98 11:28:04 PM
Omnivores unite! Eat everything!
Response #45
By: sooz
Date: 9/16/98 9:38:20 AM
{gulp}
Response #46
By: rorschach
Date: 9/16/98 12:23:16 PM
lemme see if i can hit all the points in order:
A:) yes, grain CAN be grown without pesticides and a LOOONG time ago they were but that was back when we didn't have 4 billion people to feed. the crop yeild in that endeavor is abismally low. there is not enough surface of the planet to grow enough food for 4 billion people without pesticides and the other aspects of modern farming.
B:) I am unaware of any major cash crop that can thrive(and i do mean THRIVE, surviving to put a couple of blooms on is not productive enough to do it on a broad scale, unless you are selling it to yuppies/hippies with more money than sense.) in triple canopy jungle. for that matter, you'd have to clear at least ONE of the three canopies to PLANT the crop. and then you'd have to tend it by HAND because you couldn't get the farm implements to where the crops were. and even if you did, the plants would be competeing with the other two canopies for nutrients and rainforest is, paradoxically, notoriously poor in nutrients for plants. i cannot see how this would be productive enough to feed 4 billion people either.
Response #47
By: Cleotis
Date: 9/16/98 9:49:12 PM
I'm drinking a Kirin Lager beer right now. That's what they serve in Japanese restaurants where you get Sushi - raw fish.
That makes me a good person.
Well, good enough.
Response #48
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/16/98 11:25:22 PM
Kirin: The Pabst of Japan.
Response #49
By: sooz
Date: 9/17/98 11:31:37 PM
Homer, you're such a snooty bitch.
Response #50
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/18/98 1:34:50 AM
Hehe...
I'm secretly a flaming gayboy. Don't tell anybody.
Response #51
By: Ralf
Date: 9/23/98 11:35:02 AM
Getouttahere! Cool.
I've settled on "heteosexual by convenience".
Besides which, it's a moot point seeing as I'm married and all.
Response #52
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/23/98 2:05:13 PM
I'm not actually a flaming gayboy.
I am, however, an androgynous pansexual. Let's do coffee. :-)
Response #53
By: sooz
Date: 9/23/98 2:49:12 PM
"Pansexual" isn't in my medical dictionary (hey, it's the only dictionary I had available). Therefore, you don't exist.
Response #54
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/23/98 8:57:15 PM
Think 'bisexual,' only with more options.
Response #55
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/23/98 11:42:37 PM
Main Entry: pan·sex·u·al Pronunciation: "pan-'sek-sh(&-)w&l, -sh&l Function: adjective Date: 1926 : exhibiting or implying many forms of sexual expression - pan·sex·u·al·i·ty /"pan-"sek-sh&-'wa-l&-tE/ noun
Response #56
By: Cleotis
Date: 9/24/98 8:54:01 PM
I thought it meant that Homer had some weird fetish for kitchenware.
Response #57
By: Ralf
Date: 9/25/98 7:46:41 AM
Pamsexuals use a lot of spray-on vegetable oil.
Hey Homer, did you do Burning Man this year?
Response #58
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/26/98 12:15:59 AM
Mmm. Kitchenwear. Ooo.....
Nope, no burning for me this year. I didn't feel like it was essential to go there, so I didn't.
Response #59
By: sooz
Date: 9/26/98 2:04:10 PM
I don't feel like it's essential to wear pants.
Response #60
By: rorschach
Date: 9/27/98 12:22:04 PM
now that you are married ralf shouldn't that be monosexual?
Response #61
By: Ralf
Date: 9/27/98 10:24:27 PM
Hmmm. I think "monosexual" means with one hand.
Response #62
By: sooz
Date: 9/28/98 9:07:42 AM
...or at least not in stereo.
