Bono Dead at 62

By: Da Sissop
Date: 1/6/98 4:35:55 PM
# Replies: 30

Houston (Roiters) - Today the world is mourning the passing of Sonny "Bono" Vox, lead singer of the popular Irish band U2. Although the details are still not entirely known, sources tell us that Bono was taking a break from the rigorous "Popmart" touring schedule in support of the band's latest album, "Sonny And Cher's Greatest Hits."

Bono reportedly had gone skiing and was enjoying himself on the slopes when an unknown person or persons tossed him what witnesses described as a "unidentified football-shaped object."

Response #1
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 1/9/98 12:27:07 AM

And Cher rushed home from London to get first dibs on his historic collection of polyester lounge-wear...

Response #2
By: Roxanne
Date: 1/9/98 5:06:04 PM

Bono died?? Oh man, bummer!! I love "Sunday, Bloody Sunday"!

Digging out my U2 tapes...looking at the pictures and comparing to the picture above...man, he started looking rough the last few years...sheesh...

Response #3
By: Tess Trueheart
Date: 1/11/98 8:40:21 AM

Now this is how rumors get started...hehehe

Response #4
By: Jay
Date: 1/12/98 2:04:32 PM

I thought he got shot on the causeway

Response #5
By: sooz
Date: 1/13/98 6:25:23 PM

I know what Bono needed, instead of a tree.

A SHRUBBERY!

Response #6
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 1/13/98 8:41:16 PM

Delivered-To: snuggles-outgoing@corona.ucf.ics.uci.edu
Delivered-To: snuggles@kuci.org
X-Sender: dixon@qt.tn.tudelft.nl
Date: Thu, 08 Jan 1998 16:40:22 +0100
To: snuggles@kuci.org
From: David Dixon 
Subject: Re: [snuggles]: Bono is dead
Mime-Version: 1.0
Sender: owner-snuggles@corona.ucf.ics.uci.edu
Precedence: bulk
Reply-To: snuggles@kuci.org
At 10:24 AM 1/8/98 -0500, you wrote:
>On Wed, 7 Jan 1998, PHINEAS wrote:
>
>> Well I heard it on the news yesterday, I guess you all heard...Bono, lead
>> singer of U2 has been killed in a skiing accident at lake Tahoe, he ran
into
>> 
>That would be _Sonny_ Bono, one-time shagger of Cher, and mayor of some 
>hippie town on California (I think). Although to some of us the music of 
>U2 and Sonny and Cher are indistinguishable, and rumour has it that the 
>two were one and the same, but Sonny appeared younger and cooler in U2 so 
>Cher wouldn't sue for U2 royalties.

God I love a good troll...
D^2

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Response #7
By: Fierce Pancake
Date: 5/29/98 10:16:12 AM

Just a footnote, Bono is still dead.

Response #8
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 5/30/98 12:52:29 AM

No he's not. He and Elvis were down on 6th street last Thurs.

Response #9
By: Mycroft
Date: 5/31/98 6:11:57 AM

If they were on 6th st, then I agree with TFP.

Response #10
By: Ralf
Date: 5/31/98 10:40:30 AM

"Congressman in a box!"

Sonny will never be dead so long as there is CyberSonny[tm] or Virtual Bono[tm] two artificially "intelligent" software packages coming soon for your PC or Mac.

Response #11
By: Fierce Pancake
Date: 6/1/98 9:53:25 AM

"Sing along with CyberSonny karaoke! Manage a virtual campaign! Dodge trees in the thrilling user-controllable video skiing!"

Response #12
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 6/2/98 2:04:30 AM

Gimme url for cyberbono!

gimmegimme!

Response #13
By: Jay
Date: 6/2/98 6:02:44 PM

There is a broken link to it from the Cher homepage

Response #14
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 6/4/98 8:55:02 PM

I thought the broken link was Chassity?

Response #15
By: Ralf
Date: 6/5/98 7:19:45 PM

Ba-dump-bump-bump.

Response #16
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 6/6/98 12:09:49 PM

Thanks, it's a gift?

Response #17
By: Jay
Date: 6/7/98 8:20:15 PM

Does it have a receipt in case we need to return it?

Response #18
By: Panther Modern
Date: 6/16/98 1:48:24 PM

shit .. man, I just lost my food stamps

Response #19
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 6/16/98 5:58:52 PM

I've got a cool one of Fruit-Filled Twinkies (tm) you can borrow. But I'm all out of paint pens so you're on your own trying to find the right shade of Singapore Sunset Saffron for the proper Twinkie shading. I can't use it anymore ever since we went to email...

Zane The High-Speed Low-Drag (tm)

Response #20
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 6/24/98 6:53:14 AM

Zane looks up from making his artichoke stationary by stamping a row of purple veggies around the boarder of some typing paper.."I like leaving notes in my bill evelopes with these.."

Response #21
By: Da Sissop
Date: 6/24/98 8:54:56 AM

And postage stamps... every so often I'll go to buy a book of stamps at the local grocery and the only ones available say "God Bless You" or "Love" or somesuch.

I *hate* mailing in bill payments with a "God Bless You" stamp.

Why hasn't the post office ever issued a series of mildly offensive stamps? I can almost guarantee they'd be more popular than the Elvis series.

Response #22
By: Ralf
Date: 6/24/98 4:58:30 PM

I double-dog-DARE you to print that out and mail a letter with it.

Response #23
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 6/25/98 9:53:22 PM

I triple dog dare you.

Wait, who would keep Nunz running?

Aw shit, it's a federal crime, federal pen, they'd let you have your computer easy.

Response #24
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 6/26/98 11:30:47 AM

As long as he put a real stamp and a disclaimer about the fake stamp (like "Not official postage" or something), he'd be fine.

Response #25
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 7/14/98 1:34:32 AM

Actually, in these days of detrimental extremes, I think several collectors series are in order here:

The "That Stuff is Gonna Kill Ya" Series:

Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust Meat Lover's Pizza w/ Extra Cheese

Carton Of Brazillian Clove Cigarettes

Jerry Springer Commemorative Actual-Size Bowling Ball Keychain

Thirteen Pounds Of Bacon Covered w/ 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' Spray (pronounced 'spway' for you Fabio fans)

The "Serial Killers Are People Too" Series...

Dahmer....Lecter...Bundy...those blacked out figures in Frosted Flakes commerials

The "Traffic Accident/Crime Scene Photo" Series..

..this one speaks for itself..

The "If It's A Lifestyle Choice How Come The Lab Rats Do It" Series..

....educational, biomechanically enlightening, brings stamp-licking to a whole new level

Zane The Soon-To-Be-Unemployed

Response #26
By: Ralf
Date: 7/15/98 9:31:18 PM

Can I send you a dollar, Zane? That was byootiful.

Response #27
By: Da Sissop
Date: 7/18/98 9:48:55 AM

The LSD Collector's Series?

Response #28
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 7/19/98 12:32:19 AM

Oooo, I have some of the, uhhh, "Collectables" from that series!

Response #29
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 8/1/98 10:59:47 PM

Capt:

Got any Barney's?

Ralf:

I'm flattered Ralf, but I can't accept money for two reasons:

#1 The IRS is watching.

#2 So is everyone else.

#3 It would push me into the 'commercial' author bracket too soon, I have to finish my novel first so I have something to show..err..people.

#4 I don't know where your money's been.

..I know, that's 4...consider it WhataSized...

Response #30
By: Ralf
Date: 8/2/98 3:18:13 PM

It's only a dollar. One, thin, dollar.

Go ahead. TAKE it. Nobody's watching... nobody...