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By: Ralf
Date: 8/28/99 11:27:57 AM
# Replies: 51
I would like to start a thread for collecting profound quotations. Please, no mass-posting of 75 cute things said by 3rd graders or the inevitable "my car was hit by a tree" insurance claim things.
Thank you.
"This weather ain't gonna be right until they take them rocks back to the Moon."
--Tim Baer
Response #1
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 8/28/99 9:18:45 PM
"Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?" -- Unknown
"This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting." -- Unknown
Response #2
By: Jerichos Burlap
Date: 8/28/99 11:35:35 PM
"You have branded my son a illeterate, which is a dirty lie. I was married a week before he was born." (Social Services Applicant)
The following is the most mutilated English construction I have ever heard. Overheard in a convenience store in So.Houston. The girl was about 15-16, and asked the clerk: "Yall aint got nona them Skor bars, do ya?"
Response #3
By: Ralf
Date: 8/29/99 4:26:22 AM
"I bet with the proper amount of manpower, pliers, ropes, belts and duct tape, you actually *could* lead a horse to water AND make him drink."
-Andy Overman
Response #4
By: sooz
Date: 8/29/99 2:10:04 PM
"I ain't no hick!" (Shouted by my soon-to-be sister-in-law at a family reunion)
Response #5
By: Da Sissop
Date: 8/29/99 9:39:58 PM
"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll have to stop in at the Dairy Queen on his way back to town." -- Me, after my very first fishing excursion to Kemah this morning. Needless to say I didn't catch anything worth keeping.
Response #6
By: Jerichos Burlap
Date: 8/30/99 4:06:07 PM
The biggest man you ever did see was once just a baby. Bob Marley
Response #7
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 8/31/99 3:30:09 AM
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
And then it's more fun, because you can play with the eye.
Response #8
By: Ralf
Date: 8/31/99 7:52:48 AM
"Her eyes were hard as ice, which made them difficult to chew."
--Unknown, alas. Anyone? Anyone?
Response #9
By: Shadow Sprite
Date: 8/31/99 10:05:23 AM
"Most people think it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Well, that's just not true. Look at pirates. Most of them have poked out eyes, and they still have lots of fun and games."
-Paul Mather
Subatomic Humor
Response #10
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 8/31/99 11:51:10 AM
"My delinquent is having SEX with your Honor Student." - Bumper sticker I saw on the way to work today
Response #11
By: Jerichos Burlap
Date: 9/1/99 4:54:06 AM
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. Bob Dylan
Response #12
By: Ralf
Date: 9/1/99 8:44:33 AM
"Earth is full. Go home."
--Seen on a bumper sticker.
Response #13
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 9/1/99 11:21:52 AM
"Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."
Response #14
By: Shadow Sprite
Date: 9/1/99 2:14:01 PM
"Would you like fries with that?"
Response #15
By: grin
Date: 9/2/99 3:07:40 AM
"how come there's no pictures of the earth taken from space at night?" -friend on too much....stuff
Response #16
By: The Sorcerer
Date: 9/4/99 7:07:48 PM
As a footnote to the EVIL Government Conspriacy discussion....
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." -Robert Heinlein, 'Logic of Empire'
Response #17
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/5/99 2:06:45 PM
"If at first you don't succeed, quit."
Response #18
By: rorschach
Date: 9/5/99 5:39:46 PM
"Footsteps in the sands of time are not made by sitting down."
"To accomplish great things, one must not only act, but dream as well."
profound statements found on the backs of Dove Dark Promises chocolate.......
Response #19
By: Jerichos Burlap
Date: 9/7/99 7:14:03 AM
As an append to Gowan's - "If at first you, don't succeed, quit. No point being a damn fool about it." (It's the way I heard it.)
"Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult." A button I recently saw at work. Sure did want that button, neighbor!
Response #20
By: Ralf
Date: 9/7/99 10:06:47 AM
"The next war will be an interplanetary war. The nations must someday make a common front against attack by people from other planets."
- General Douglas MacArthur, 1955.
Response #21
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/8/99 10:23:39 PM
"Everyone's gotta believe in something.
I believe I'll have another drink."
Response #22
By: Jerichos Burlap
Date: 9/9/99 6:50:47 AM
"Lookin' for love in all the wrong pastures." Title for one of my proposed cross-cultural educational pamphlets for rural America. Who knows, DOE might go for a grant towards the end of their fiscal year.
Response #23
By: sooz
Date: 9/9/99 11:18:05 PM
"Get up off your big fat faith." (A line in a song by Richie, in reference to people that talk about their great faith but don't show anyone any (&*$# kindness.)
Response #24
By: Jerichos Burlap
Date: 9/10/99 6:44:18 AM
"Just remember: When the chips are down... Watch your step." [in thought bubbles of a goofy-looking holstein cow] From a Hallmark card my Mom recently sent me.
Response #25
By: Shadow Sprite
Date: 9/10/99 7:34:12 AM
"If at first you don't suceed, you're obviously a pathetic loser who'll never amount to anything."
Response #26
By: Tess Trueheart
Date: 9/11/99 12:12:52 PM
A question...
Several months have 30 days..how many have 28?
There are three apples, you take away two, how many does that leave you with?
Response #27
By: sooz
Date: 9/11/99 2:38:27 PM
1. All of 'em.
2. Two.
Response #28
By: Ralf
Date: 9/11/99 7:53:40 PM
"Amaze yourself"
--Seen on a t-shirt
Response #29
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/12/99 12:21:03 AM
I bet that was a Ziff Davis tee-shirt.
I've been housesitting for some friends that have a DSS satellite and I'm hooked on ZDTV. I don't know why. I can't explain it. I need professional help.
Response #30
By: Ralf
Date: 9/12/99 8:48:26 AM
You are the second person I've met who watches ZDTV yet expresses embarassment about it. I'm a lowlife MediaOne customer without ZDTV.
Why? What is it? I want in on the secret!
Response #31
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 9/12/99 9:40:07 AM
"No matter where you go...there you are" Buckaroo Banzai
"Doing my best, everyday to piss off the religious right" Bumper sticker
"If you're down, try feeling up. In gay bar, you never know what that will get you" Bathroom Wall.
Response #32
By: Tess Trueheart
Date: 9/12/99 11:49:12 AM
Taste it, there is a difference..front of a tee shirt.
Response #33
By: Ralf
Date: 9/13/99 5:31:28 PM
"Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?"
-- Seen in a .sig file
Response #34
By: Ralf
Date: 9/21/99 7:05:24 AM
"Someday I'm going to become a real doctor, but until then I have a *LOT* to learn about water Pokemon!"
--Heard today on Pokemon cartoon
Response #35
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 9/21/99 12:47:39 PM
Okay, why the hell are you watching Pokemon in the first place?
Wizards of the Coast, the makers of Pokemon, just got bought by Hasbro, btw. So, now Pokemon really CAN be for all ages.
Fisher Price Pokemon, anyone?
Response #36
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/22/99 4:53:24 AM
WotC (as we locals call 'Wizards') make the Pokemon cards. The rest of the phenomenon comes from the mind of some deranged Japanese buisnessman.
Response #37
By: Shadow Sprite
Date: 9/22/99 8:06:17 AM
I can't wait for the Pokemon RPG! ...I wonder what Pastor Mark Juerva will do then?
Response #38
By: Ralf
Date: 9/22/99 1:02:52 PM
Cool! Would the Rocket Powered Grenade be wielded BY Pokemon or for use ON Pokemon?
"The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality."
--Douglas Porter
(Relative of yours, Fang?)
Response #39
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 9/23/99 1:58:27 PM
Speaking of WotC, I know a guy who used to work for them. Over time, he was taking home a packet of Pokemon cards here and there, all with the consent of his boss. Eventually, he had a foot locker full of the damn cards, and used them as currency on a cross-country road trip. If he needed some cash, he'd go to the local comic book/trading card store and sell a few.
Response #40
By: Ralf
Date: 9/25/99 9:57:05 AM
Reminds me of a guy I knew in the early eighties who worked at a record & tape distributor. This was pre-CD, or rather, just when the first CD players were coming out. The retail price for one of these early players was $800 for a 40-pound metal brick monster that had three contols on it: open/close, play/stop, and skip fwd/back.
Aaaaanyway, he'd been getting two or three "not for resale" promotional sampler records a week for a few years. When he decided he wanted a CD player, he just hauled enough of his collection into a used record dealer and traded them for $800 cash. Bought a CD player and *1* disc.
There's irony in there someplace...
"Attachment is the source of all suffering."
--Buddha
Response #41
By: Ralf
Date: 9/27/99 3:46:07 PM
"If I had been born female, I'd *NEVER* stop playing with myself."
--Abraham Lincoln
Response #42
By: rorschach
Date: 9/28/99 12:09:56 PM
I GUESS THAT ALL DEPENDS ON YO WHOM/WHAT OR HOW YOU ARE ATTACHED.....
Response #43
By: sooz
Date: 9/28/99 2:57:34 PM
Why ya shoutin', Ror Dear?
Response #44
By: Ralf
Date: 9/29/99 5:48:55 AM
Somehow, I *always* imagine Ror shouting.
:-)
Response #45
By: rorschach
Date: 10/6/99 12:25:24 PM
Sorry, I was at work and virtually everything I do here is in upper case so I generally leave caps lock on..... after all sooz, you know i've always been shift key-impaired.....
Response #46
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 10/12/99 10:05:43 PM
Something kind of ironic about a guy named Rorchach and not being able to shift.
Response #47
By: Ralf
Date: 10/13/99 8:47:53 AM
Yeah, but you should see his ink blots.
"Every drop of ink in my pen ran cold."
--Horace Walpole
Response #48
By: Ralf
Date: 10/16/99 10:18:16 AM
"If you buy Al Gore a fish, he'll lose it and starve for a day.
If you teach Al Gore to fish, he'll forget and he'll starve throughout his life."
-- Found on alt.slack
Response #49
By: Ralf
Date: 10/19/99 6:38:10 AM
"One day it struck me that it's just not right that we eat certain animals, yet treat others as pets.
And *that's* when I invented Kitten McNuggets."
--Bob Van Voris
Response #50
By: Ralf
Date: 10/20/99 6:54:48 AM
"Laughter. It's our common response to non-fatal surprises"
--Frank Herbert
Response #51
By: Ralf
Date: 11/11/99 5:29:17 AM
"If we were being attacked by space aliens we wouldn't be playing these kinds of games. These kinds of games are only possible because the economy is strong and the American people are self-confident."
--President William Clinton, 28 Oct 1999
in reference to budgetary politics