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By: Ralf
Date: 4/21/00 5:57:11 AM
# Replies: 5
You are offered a form of immortality. Old age is thwarted! The only things that can kill you are severe trauma: dismemberment, gunshot to the heart, bleeding to death. As a bonus you will be immune from all diseases and parasites.
Of course, there's a catch... the offer comes from an elite paramilitary crime-fighting organization. They agree to administer the expensive medical treatments to keep you young and strong forever, but you must serve them. For the rest of your life, you must do their bidding. Subdue criminals wherever they may pop up in human society, from now to eternity. You will receive physical training and brain implants which will turn you into an elite law enforcement officer, regardless of your background. With this stuff they could turn Betty Crocker into Robocop; you'll be able to subdue felons with one hand while directing traffic with the other.
It's guaranteed to be a stressful, incredibly dangerous, probably thankless job, with weekends off, all the doughnuts you can eat, and decent pay. They'll even supply a really snazzy uniform.
Oh, one more thing. If you get yourself shot and end up in long-term disability or a wheelchair, the treatments stop. You're no longer useful to them so don't expect them to keep your booty young and beautiful.
So what'll it be?
#1. Count me in! SuperCopdom here I come!
#2. No way! I'll be one of the bleating masses you subdue-- er, serve and protect.
Rules:
Anyone writing this up as a screenplay for a major motion picture starring Arnold Schwartenpheffer must cut Ralf in for 15%. Homer may participate but since he's already immortal I doubt he'd be interested.
Response #1
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/21/00 9:04:40 AM
Who was it that once said "Old age is wasted on the elderly"? No supercopdom for ME, I wanna retire and wear tacky pants pulled up to my nipples and sit on my porch and yell at the neighbor kids who get too close to my LAWN.
Response #2
By: rorschach
Date: 4/21/00 10:16:41 AM
well, at least eternity would be interesting... besides, given the near certainty of being killed in action (hey, be a cop long enough and eventually the statistics will catch up to you...) it's not REALLY immortality, and you could always end it yourself if you finally stopped giving a shit... beats the hell out of dying crazy wearing a diaper and being fed through a tube. course there's the temptation of going dirty, but i guess if you were convicted of that they'd reposess the brain implants and stop the treatments... strong reason not to I guess.
Response #3
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/21/00 9:43:04 PM
As far as you know, I'm *not* immortal. So there.
Despite the similarity of this question to the show 'Now And Again,' I'll answer it.
I go for the treatment and then sneak blood and tissue samples out. I play along as Super Duper Cop for a while, gather info on the who's, what's and where's, and then quit. Then I become a journalist.
Response #4
By: sooz
Date: 4/22/00 5:35:09 PM
Fang said, nearly, precisely, what I was gonna say.
My grandma loved being old. She was so excited: "Now I can wear tacky things and make rude comments and drive really badly, and people will just say 'oh, she's OLD', and that's my excuse! Yay!"
Response #5
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 4/28/00 11:02:25 PM
I'd have to pass on that one, outliving all the people I know and love would suck, plus the way things are going it'll be illegal to fuss at your child near an open window soon and I'd feel really silly arresting people for that no matter how snazzy my uniform was.