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By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/21/00 9:01:10 AM
# Replies: 45
"There was a bright light all around. My perceptions were foggy, like I was high or something. I couldn't move. I was restrained on a table. It was cold. There were others present, and they were watching me. They were examining me.
"I was naked. It was cold.
"I felt them touching me, and I tensed. They laughed, but it wasn't, like, out loud. It was more like I could feel their laughter... I could sense it, in my head.
"Then the next thing I can remember, I'm waking up in my car in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, with a terrible headache, and wearing this strange tee-shirt....
* * * * * * *
Their stories were strikingly similar. They all saw lights in the sky, they all reported vague memories or impressions of having been examined, and they all awoke several hours later wearing an "I was abducted by aliens" tee-shirt....
Response #1
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/21/00 10:00:48 PM
I've washed my alien abduction tshirt a million times, and it's still colorfast! HOW DO THEY DO THAT?
Response #2
By: Ralf
Date: 4/22/00 7:11:42 AM
Maybe you just REMEMBER washing it. Can you actually prove it's been washed? Them aliens are great at mind games.
Response #3
By: rorschach
Date: 4/24/00 10:52:42 AM
for that matter, can you prove you actually have a t-shirt? you may only THINK you are clothed... or for that matter, you may only THINK you exist.....
Response #4
By: Zane T. Dark
Date: 4/28/00 11:21:34 PM
...MISTER Anderson.
Response #5
By: WitchHazel
Date: 10/19/01 10:31:36 AM
Is that where my T-shirt came from?
Response #6
By: bob
Date: 10/19/01 10:41:13 AM
"i got poked, prodded, analy examined, and all i got was this lousy t-shirt"
Response #7
By: WitchHazel
Date: 10/19/01 1:16:34 PM
Yeah, so it was aliens? I was hoping I had been poked and prodded by something a little more...well...exotic.
Response #8
By: bob
Date: 10/20/01 10:57:00 AM
like plasticman?
Response #9
By: Cleotis
Date: 10/23/01 7:48:48 PM
I enjoy some of the tees offered at www.tshirthell.com.
Like "I f*cked the girl in Hanson" or "Britney Spears is a Whore".
Response #10
By: sooz
Date: 10/24/01 6:11:05 AM
I liked "Bin Laden is a Big Fat Doodiehead."
Response #11
By: rorschach
Date: 10/24/01 9:51:59 AM
Speaking of Mz Spears, I heard on the radio that German farmers have a problem with feral hogs... but hogs are a protected species in Germany. so they've taken to blasting out loud obnoxious noise to run them off... apparently Mz Spears' "music" fits the bill handily...
Response #12
By: WitchHazel
Date: 10/24/01 10:23:42 AM
Now THAT is what I call a news item.
Response #13
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/25/01 1:02:42 AM
So you've saved up enough money to take your sweety on a luxury tour of Germany. You fly in the plane for what seems like five days, you transfer in London, you rent a car in Berlin, you buy the most expensive champagne you can afford, you order a three-course gourmet picnic, and you go to a quiet place in the countryside that your travel agent told you about.
You spread the blanket, set out the food, pour the wine, you smile and look each other in the eye, sharing a moment. You hold the glasses aloft and toast everything good in the universe. You've gotten the flutes to your lips just as the farmer turns on the Britney Spears music to scare away feral hogs.
Response #14
By: WitchHazel
Date: 10/25/01 8:45:18 AM
Dammit. You ruined the mood.
I want my money back!!!!
Response #15
By: bob
Date: 10/26/01 11:51:37 AM
am i the only one sickened by the knowledge of spear's popularity with 40-50 years old men?
Response #16
By: sooz
Date: 10/26/01 2:53:40 PM
Nope. I've said forever that she caters to a pedophile audience, but people just look at me like I'm an idiot... kinda the same way as when I say some major sporting events are rigged...
Response #17
By: bob
Date: 10/26/01 2:56:48 PM
ahahahahaha
Response #18
By: WitchHazel
Date: 10/26/01 6:07:12 PM
Yup. Pedophiles. Every last one of 'em.
Response #19
By: bob
Date: 10/28/01 10:26:46 AM
see, that is what i think, i think 50 year olds looking at 18 year olds is pedophilia, but since 18 years old is techincally the legal consent age (in most states, anyhow) most of those 50 year olds pervs don't think it is pedaphilia. whatever you call it, it bugs me
Response #20
By: Cleotis
Date: 10/28/01 3:28:10 PM
Why does everyone pick on pedophiles? I mean, what's so wrong with bicycling, anyway?
Response #21
By: WitchHazel
Date: 10/29/01 8:08:22 AM
Cleo, I'm with you. What's the big deal anyway? 18 is old enough to ride!?!?
Response #22
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 10/29/01 8:09:53 AM
It sure is.
It sure is.
ahem.
Response #23
By: Roxanne
Date: 10/29/01 2:13:36 PM
Let's not forget the pedo-phobics out there as well!
Response #24
By: bob
Date: 10/29/01 10:41:56 PM
and don't forget the pedo-holics
Response #25
By: WitchHazel
Date: 10/30/01 1:06:17 PM
Is that someone with a foot fetish?
Response #26
By: rorschach
Date: 10/30/01 1:25:06 PM
I think it is people who drink while bicycling.....
Response #27
By: Cleotis
Date: 10/30/01 5:31:31 PM
Gowan, you are just...
WRONG...
on many, many levels!!!
Response #28
By: WitchHazel
Date: 10/30/01 8:38:55 PM
How is he wrong? He was just agreeing with me. What's wrong with THAT?
Response #29
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/6/01 5:43:11 PM
Cleo, I notice you aren't challenging this. Cat got yer tongue?
Response #30
By: Cleotis
Date: 11/8/01 5:27:06 PM
Wrong in the sense of...
just...
how do I say...
"WRONG"!
The kind of "wrong" that's usually accompanied by buddies howling and yelling "aaaaaaaawwwwww, duuuuuuuuuuude!!!!!!"
Response #31
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 11/10/01 12:07:35 AM
Speaking of WRONG, I just saw an ad on TV for a Michael Jackson special.
When will jakko give up?
Response #32
By: sooz
Date: 11/10/01 2:54:49 PM
When his records stop making it to #1 is my guess.
Response #33
By: bob
Date: 11/10/01 4:04:08 PM
or when networks stop paying him millions
Response #34
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 11/10/01 7:16:04 PM
If Michael Jackson can make a living (and a good one, at that) by being creepy, why can't I?
Response #35
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/10/01 10:52:26 PM
I saw a celebrity roast for Hugh Hefner. Some old black dude was at the podium and said "You know America is the greatest country on Earth. Take Michael Jackson for example. Where else can a person be born a poor black child and die a rich white man?"
Response #36
By: bob
Date: 11/11/01 2:20:45 PM
hahahahahaha
Response #37
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 11/11/01 2:34:50 PM
i wonder where hugh hefner fits into that joke?
Response #38
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/11/01 5:05:06 PM
Well, they were roasting Hugh, but as a side joke, they mentioned Jacko. (Don't ask.)
Response #39
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/14/01 3:33:44 PM
I just saw a video of a Prince concert. He's almost as big of a freak as Jacko. But damned if they aren't both kick-ass dancers and make good music.
Response #40
By: Da Sissop
Date: 11/14/01 7:53:34 PM
I thought Prince's SIGN O' THE TIMES album and concert video were seriously kickass.
Response #41
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/15/01 8:48:33 AM
Yeah, Prince RULES. (He's just a freak. But hey, freaks abound in this country.) :-)
Response #42
By: bob
Date: 11/15/01 11:04:44 AM
i like prince's music....much more than i can say for jackson. i haven't really liked a jackson song since back in the thriller days
Response #43
By: sooz
Date: 11/17/01 12:32:53 PM
Prince's song about Little Nikki was pretty edgy and radical for its time.
Response #44
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 11/17/01 7:17:54 PM
Maybe you can fit Darling Nikki and Sugar Walls into your book..
Response #45
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/18/01 7:48:12 PM
Naw, I want some kinky stuff like David and Bathsheeba on a horse. And Lot's daughters who got him drunk, took him to a cave, and took advantage of him. And make it extra-juicy!