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By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/14/98 5:55:08 PM
# Replies: 32
I went to Dallas this past weekend to visit my sister, who moved up there in mid-August. I visited Dallas once before in the early 90s, on a field trip orchestrated by Heather Best of the Ale House. We went to see the Catherine the Great exhibit at whatever museum caters to that sorta thing... did I mention this trip was entirely orchestrated by Heather Best? Anyway, I wasn't paying all that much attention to The City on that trip. So this was my first real shot at being a tourist in Dallas.
I rented a car at Intercon-- er, I mean BUSH Airport, and headed north on I-45. Almost immediately, I spotted Heather Best and her fiance, Alan (Allen? Allan?). Through rolled down windows across a crowded freeway, I learned that they were not headed for Dallas, but merely the Woodlands.
I passed the venerable Big White Guy, and within a few hours I was in the big D. I saw my sister's new home, and then we headed out to see the REAL Dallas... the home of America's Team... the city where the people have Big Hair, Big Hearts, and occasionally they shoot our Presidents.
This is Dealey Plaza, and the infamous bit of Elm Street where President Kennedy was shot. It's long since been colorized, but as you can see, folks are still milling around in stunned disbelief. Here is the actual spot where President Kennedy dropped after jumping from the car, running to the book depository, and subduing Oswald in his dying breaths.
A couple of blocks away is the historic "West End" district, which features dining, music, and fine arts.
The OTHER interesting feature of Dallas is the Big Radio Shack Cheesey Ball of Lights. It may not look like much at night, but boy is it cool in the day.
In the "Obligatory Dallas Cowboys Jokes" department, I found this, and in the "Real Reason Art Bell Quit" department, I found this.
Response #1
By: rorschach
Date: 10/15/98 6:39:23 PM
I KNEW IT! FANG was the guy on the grassy knoll! watch out for this guy...
Your sis looks good.... hows she been doing of late?
Response #2
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/15/98 7:53:37 PM
She's doing well! Things are stable, and except for the fact that she doesn't know many folks in Dallas yet, she likes the new digs.
Response #3
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/17/98 9:14:57 PM
Wait...
BUSH airport??
I'm flying in at the end of the year... I'll have to specify Hobby as my destination.
Response #4
By: Ralf
Date: 10/18/98 12:23:43 PM
It was either that, or "Butt-Hole Surfers International".
Response #5
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/18/98 4:44:33 PM
Butthole Surfers Intercontinental I could deal with.
Then again, it'll remind me why I left, as soon as I get there.
Response #6
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/18/98 4:51:45 PM
You don't like the Butthole Surfers? What are ya, some kind a YANKEE?
Response #7
By: Ralf
Date: 10/19/98 7:26:34 AM
BTW, nice trip report Fang. Virtual Dallas is SO MUCH nicer than the real thing.
Response #8
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/19/98 5:14:43 PM
Er, let me try again.
"Butthole Surfers Intercontinental I could deal with.
Then again, arriving at Bush Intercontinental will remind me why I left, as soon as I get there."
BTW, did you know that Gibby Haynes' dad is Mr. Peppermint, recently-retired host of a syndicated Saturday morning children's show?
Response #9
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/19/98 11:03:42 PM
no one told ME that bush has moved into the city...
whatever. he'll attract the serene geriatric crowd. cool with me.
Response #10
By: Ralf
Date: 10/20/98 9:32:23 AM
He's in on the UFO conspiracy, you know.
Response #11
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 10/20/98 11:21:57 AM
He's never here.
They have a residence here, but they're always in Kennebunkport or wherever the hell their Yankee retreat is.
Response #12
By: sooz
Date: 10/21/98 11:24:24 AM
...which tells ya something, when a Texan would rather be in Yankee land than in Houston. (Ducking Houston-hugger barbs).
Speaking of the Bush Empire, Gowan and I have a bet on whether a certain Texas governor will be the next president.
Response #13
By: Ralf
Date: 10/21/98 7:35:43 PM
Heck, it was pre-ordained. They've had the second Bush presidency puppet-government planned for decades. It's all going according to plan, my friends.
Response #14
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/22/98 1:24:51 PM
i for one am glad to be out of yankee towns. those people are SO pretentious. <swishing hand>
here's a real new york story: a friend and i walk into a brooks brothers store (which, for those of you not in the know, is one of those upclass establishments on madison ave). Now mind you, we probably have no business in a store where even the cashiers smell like old money, but my friend jason was looking seriously looking for a good pair of shoes. Well that shoe department has some tremendously nice leather soled, acupunctured wingtips though when you turn the shoes round the sticker says $800 (nothing in the dept was cheaper than $400). Anyways, jason thinks wouldn't it be nice to try on a pair of $800 shoes (after all, there are no other customers around, so what's the harm?), so he snaps his fingers and says "Gaston!" boy oh boy, the look on the salesman's face was a cross between george bush eating a lemon while trying to greet a butthole surfer in an official function (hey, i tried). This guy was dressed like an executive--6'2", manicured hands, conservative suit. with overly good posture, he saunters towards us and jason asks, "do you have this in a size 10"? the salesman gives up both a look up and down (we're not really badly dressed, if I remember, button down shirts and jeans) and with tight smile and goes off to the stockroom to get the shoe. When he comes back, the salesman takes off one of Jason's shoes, a slightly worn dress shoe, nothing fancy, and deliberately turns it around, studying it with a severe expression, and places it down on the ground. Straightening his sleeves the salesman takes out the magical shoes from the box. He puts one on Jason and jason asks, 'may i try both shoes?' so he puts the other one on, and jason asks, "may i walk around a bit?" no longer smiling, the salesman says "of course, sir." so jason takes about three steps this way and that way, and says "well these are very nice shoes, mister," and then takes them off and puts on his own shoes. The salesman then asks him, "will that be ALL, sir?" with another smile, one that says "of course that's all. someone like you couldn't *possibly* afford anything here." Well, just to irk him, Jason says, "well let me try that black shoe over there." So we go through the same routine and at the end the salesman asks again, "will THAT be all, SIR?" and Jason says "yes, thank you."
on the way out, jason says, "I almost bought that pair of wingtips just to piss off that PRICK," just loud enough to be overheard. i didn't look back.
Response #15
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/22/98 9:41:09 PM
That was beautiful. Fight the power!
Are you over 21 yet? I'll buy ya a beer on Saturday... :)
Response #16
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/22/98 11:23:57 PM
not only am i over 21, i'm almost over 23!
Response #17
By: Ralf
Date: 10/25/98 1:13:00 PM
Too bad. You're now beyond the official demographic for beer drinking. Now you have to drink dry martinis and smoke cigars.
Response #18
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/25/98 10:04:02 PM
woo, i must be advanced for my age, because i went past the martini and cigar phase in college. what comes next?
Response #19
By: Ralf
Date: 10/26/98 11:50:39 AM
Um... kerosene and crack?
Response #20
By: sooz
Date: 10/26/98 12:06:53 PM
Lesbianism is sometimes "in". Have you tried that?
Response #21
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 10/26/98 8:20:18 PM
So, what happened at the SNERD?
Response #22
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/26/98 8:54:57 PM
Well I dunno if we actually had a quorum for a snerd, but it was good chatting with SoS.
And they've got Carlsberg back on tap, and I learned that four of them is just entirely too many over the course of an evening.
Response #23
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/26/98 10:46:48 PM
lesbianism sounds interesting--if only i could. sooz, will you teach me?
the following topics were discussed in Model Snerd '98:
um this is all i remember. we adjourned at approximately 12:30 with good vibes all around.
Response #24
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/27/98 1:20:22 AM
So...
Um....
Who's the triple scorpio?
Response #25
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/27/98 6:42:54 AM
Oh! Oh! That even fits in with the lesbianism thing! We met a *reformed* lesbian. Don't remember her name tho.
Response #26
By: sooz
Date: 10/27/98 8:54:20 AM
What'd she reform to? Men? German Shepherds? Cute donkeys?
Response #27
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/27/98 11:49:59 AM
um, her name started with an l. lydia? but a triple scorpio! and recently repressed lesbian to boot. woo!
Response #28
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 10/27/98 12:37:41 PM
>the lore of the ale house barmaids of yore (with a few guest appearances)
By former ale house barmaids?
Which ones?
Damnit, I knew I should have gone.
Response #29 Leigh made the few guest appearances. Response #30 yes. i guess i exaggerated a bit. Response #31 Did y'all write the Nunnery IP address on the bathroom wall?
That's the only snerd tradition I can remember... Response #32 Doh! I knew we forgot something...
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/27/98 8:20:06 PM
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/27/98 9:45:14 PM
By: Ralf
Date: 10/28/98 8:27:15 AM
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/29/98 6:51:46 AM
