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By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/14/98 7:43:45 PM
# Replies: 39
At work we have a Lotus Notes-based "Non-Biz BBS" where employees of VALIC can post general questions or comments for discussion, ads for stuff they're selling... that sorta thing. And despite the fact that there are no guidelines regarding "acceptable use," I learned early on that someone is exercising editorial control and zapping messages that might even remotely relate to politics(1), religion, sex, or swindling the company out of billions of dollars.
And personally I was cool with that. As a sissop, I can appreciate that since the Company is ultimately responsible for providing this service to a very diverse employee base, they NEED to exercise editorial control. I don't EXPECT to be able to type "fire" in a crowded movie discussion thread.
However, more recently, this complete lack of any published guidelines has led to some messages apparently being arbitrarily zapped, while similar messages posted by the Editor-Gatekeepers are allowed to stay. Now some folks are getting their panties in a wad over it. Case in point:
Beanie Babies. Now personally, I can't STAND the little cheap pieces of mass marketing shit. I probably just begrudge them their success, but STILL. Anyway, a couple of women in my department were hawking Beanie Babies on the Non-Biz BBS, and sales were phenomenal, and the messages they posted were frequently updated to reflect changes in availablity... So for a week or two, if you were paying attention to the Company's Non-Biz BBS you would find these Beanie Baby messages IN YOUR FACE a couple of times a day. Now, if *I* was the sissop, I would publicly proclaim that these kinds of messages were prohibited on the basis that they seem to indicate you're conducting an ongoing SIDE business right here at work. But that's not what the Company's gatekeepers did.
Instead, the gatekeepers contacted these two women privately and directly and told them they couldn't post their Beanie Baby ads because they were selling them for more than the original market price. Essentially, they were "scalping" them.
Moderately bogus explanation, but okay, the Beanie vendors would abide by the ruling, published policy or no.
Then, last Friday, one of the BBS gatekeepers posted an ad for Sammy Sosa & Mark McGwire baseball cards, "$1700 or best offer", and the flames were rekindled. Replies were added to that message, rightfully wanting to know why baseball cards for $1700 were okay but Beanie Babies for $10 were excessive. On Monday, all these replies had been deleted. Only the original ad for $1700 baseball cards, and again I stress, posted by one of the Gatekeepers, remained.
So, since no official policy on the matter exists (so how could I possibly know about it, right), today I posted an ad:
For sale: one Beanie Baby. I believe it’s called "Chompy the Shark" or some such. I know it starts with a "C." Blue-gray with soft white underbelly. Recently retired. Must part with it as it is not compatible with my other pets. Also, I’m trying to scrape together enough money for a new notebook computer. Look, here’s a photo:
This is my first (and probably last) venture into the exciting and lucrative world of Beanie brokering. Basically I’d just like to be able to say that I was a little part of the Beanie Baby phenomenon, ya know? So won’t you give little Chompy a home?
It gives me great pain to have to part with him, but I think $20.00 would help to alleviate that pain.
$20.00 takes him home. That’s one single solitary big-headed-Andrew-Jackson-Monopoly-money-looking bill.
Fun Facts about Chompy:
He’s retired, which means his value should be going up up UP!
He hit 71 home runs in 1998.
He once recorded with Elvis.
Well, it seems the Gatekeepers *liked* my ad, because it was approved and posted. And, to top it off, then they called one of the original Beanie Ladies and told her they had decided that ads for "retired" Beanie Babies were okay to post.
A small victory, I guess. But there's still no published policy.
1. During the McGwire/Sosa homerun race, somebody had posted a message about how McGwire got all this big fanfare over hitting #62, but when Sosa hit his, he didn't get much of anything. I posted a reply saying he got a phone call from President Clinton, "but now that I think about it, that's not necessarily something you wanna go on record as having received these days." It got zapped.
Response #1
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/14/98 11:31:25 PM
the big question is, how many chompies have you sold?
Response #2
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/15/98 6:22:10 AM
I think I may have sold it. I had one email yesterday afternoon saying "I'd give my first born for that stuffed shark." I replied, saying "I was kinda hoping for *cash*, but okay." I'll let ya know if the deal goes through.
Response #3
By: rorschach
Date: 10/15/98 6:44:23 PM
fang, before you decline that offer you may want to inquire as to the age sex and appearance of said first born..... hell it may just be one heluva deal....
Response #4
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/15/98 7:39:35 PM
Turns out I haven't sold it yet. The woman who offered her firstborn was merely *kidding*.
Ah well. In a completely unrelated thread, I think I found my favorite Non-Biz BBS message of the year:
---------------------- Forwarded by James Porter/VALIC on 10/15/98 03:05 PM ---------------------------
Author: Kelly Flores Date: 10/14/98
biting at the houses
One of my friends went to one of the Haunted Hotels and she got bitten by someone that was working in the hotel (a person thats job is to scare the people) In this particular haunted house there were no lights and you use this neon like blue light that helps you see a little bit cause it was pitch black dark and you could not see anything at all. What happen was she had bumped into him and it scared her and the guy jumped too cause I guess that when she bumped into him, she scared him too. So than somehow he grapped her leg and bit it on her thigh. There were teeth marks on her leg and it looked bruised. She didnot do anything about it. But the next day she had some teeth marks on her leg.
This really may not make a difference to anyone, but I know that I might still go to them but now I know to be a little more careful and watch out for myself. So I just said this to let you all know so that you can be careful and for you all to have a safe, scarey, good time.
Response #5
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/17/98 11:09:22 AM
i know people who would pay extra for that experience..
Response #6
By: rorschach
Date: 10/17/98 9:26:42 PM
I know people who would have sued for millions. for that experiance... (i guess it comes from having a wife in the legal biz....
Response #7
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 10/17/98 11:52:14 PM
Hey, I think I know Kelly Flores...
Response #8
By: Ralf
Date: 10/18/98 12:27:36 PM
Ever seen the movie "Rabid"? That's how these things start, y'know.
Response #9
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/18/98 5:03:58 PM
The best protection is simply common sense. Wear tall leather boots, and watch where you're walking. Don't go bumping into them, and they won't bite you on your thigh.
Remember, they're probably even more frightened than you are.
Response #10
By: Ralf
Date: 10/19/98 7:29:02 AM
I'd suggest posting a message announcing the kidnapping of Sharky and the demand for $50 in ransom. Every day the amount goes up $5. Your posts becoming more frantic and incomprehensible. Try to work Jesus in there too somewhere.
("They'll cut off his FINS, man!")
Response #11
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/19/98 5:16:35 PM
Ralph, have you been visiting Howard Finster?
"Just put a little Jesus in whatever you do, and people'll buy it."
Response #12
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/19/98 5:24:21 PM
No can do. Any attempt at a humorous reference to Jesus would be instantly zapped from the board. However, the occasional *inspirational* message is okay.
Response #13
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/19/98 11:05:13 PM
how about a serious, threatening analogy between the crucifiction of jesus and the death of chompy?
Response #14
By: Ralf
Date: 10/20/98 9:35:32 AM
The trick is to make people wonder if you're serious.
Enough reverential Jesus so that the censors pass it, but enough odd color so the rest of the world knows you're jusmessinwiddem.
"JESUS would save Sharkey. WHY WON'T YOU?"
"I pray EVERY NIGHT for his safe return, or what's left of him..."
Response #15
By: sooz
Date: 10/21/98 11:28:21 AM
You hafta call him "Little Chompy." That's what the newscasters (here, at least) do EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN' TIME something untimely happens to a child. "They're still searching for the body of little Heather..." The child may have been 300 pounds, but she's "Little Heather". Not making light of Heather's situation, mind you... just that heart-string-tug-crap the news tries to pull.
And, IMHO, Jesus had a rawkin' sense of humor.
Response #16
By: Ralf
Date: 10/21/98 7:38:45 PM
Any guy that would come back from the dead and walk around town showing off the holes in his wrists could DEFINITELY get his own skit-comedy show.
(Anyone else tickled by the Jesus And Friends show-within-a-show on South Park?)
Response #17
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/24/98 3:38:10 PM
South Park is so over!
I want a Terrence and Phillip spin-off.
Response #18
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/25/98 9:54:54 PM
honest to god, this occured nary hours ago. i was flipping through channel 67 (that's the home shopping network for those of you not from 'round heres) because, hey, you never know when they'll have a special on that favorite widget of yours. well, lo and behold, there i see chompy crammed into a glass box with about 15 other beanie babies. now if you're familiar with the beanie baby hour on the home shopping network, you know that it's hosted by two people, some plain jane woman and some guy whose voice reminds me of hulk hogan in his pre-acting days, a guy that clearly belonged on the long and pointy knife show but somehow got stuck into this gig when beanie babies became popular (his name is don, btw). so don's up there doing his spiel: "...and that's FIFTEEN RETIRED BEANIE BABIES, ALL FOR LESS THAN $20 EACH!!!" (the entire box costs $239.95) "if you're experienced with beanie babies, you what a bargain that is. YOU'D HAVE TO BE STUPID TO SELL A RETIRED BEANIE BABY FOR LESS THAN TWENTY DOLLARS!!!" the woman twitters, "hehe, that's right don...you'd have to be stupid!"
Response #19
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/25/98 9:57:52 PM
oh, and of course the point of it is, fang has just missed the line between stupid and smart. congrats!
Response #20
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/26/98 6:43:31 AM
Yay! (giving myself a high-five, which essentially just looks like clapping)
Aside to SoS: You've still got an .mit.edu email address in yer profile. Is that current? I've got some contractor email addresses to send your way...
Response #21
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/26/98 11:03:08 PM
aside to sysop: got it! thanks a bundle.
Response #22
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 11/1/98 8:48:45 PM
okay, so this weekend i was a lame butt and we didn't even turn on the front porch light so we wouldn't have to give candy to the kids scampering without. instead, i was helping my family clean out a massive hill o' junk we've got stashed in our garage. well not a waste of a day--if my parents were to die tonight, i believe i get to inherit the garage and the contents therein, so it's better to take care of it all now. so we're mostly putting things out in the front of the yard for a monday night special to the dump, but in the process, i unearthed one true gem. it's an unopened, vintage, clean set of dukes of hazzard party napkins. 20 in the pack, three ply, with the original packaging and price tag ($0.89 from toys 'r' us). i also have in my possession one opened package of said napkins containing 13 more, untouched and sanitary. though close to my heart, i am willing to share the magic. who will buy? or if not, will the sysop be so kind as to advertise this period piece on the "non-biz" bbs? (i figure 33 general lees ought to be worth more than one fake shark, talented though he may be. i am asking for $25, or a newborn siamese twin.)
Response #23
By: Da Sissop
Date: 11/2/98 12:40:15 PM
Way cool! And probably way too expensive too, but still, WAY cool!
Any possibility you could scan one of those and email me a .jpg?
Response #24
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 11/2/98 8:50:18 PM
hmm..i don't have a scanner, but i'll save one for you if you'd like. so make that 32 for $24.
Response #25
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 11/2/98 9:08:21 PM
(oh fang: gratis, of course)
Response #26
By: Da Sissop
Date: 11/3/98 6:51:34 AM
Could we maybe meet in a central location somewhere soon so that I may acquire this treasure? Maybe some place like, oh, I don't know, the Ale House, maybe?
Response #27
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 11/3/98 9:15:58 PM
hm yes that might be very nice, and then we can put the napkin to practice under an ale!
Response #28
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 11/5/98 1:36:27 PM
it's kinda short notice, but there's a chance I'll be off to DC in just a bit, so it's now or never. Another snerd this Saturday (Nov. 7), 8pm at the ale house. I'll put out the alert. btw, today's my birthday, so if you want to buy me a beer at the snerd, i'll be more than accomodating.
Response #29
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 11/5/98 1:44:40 PM
as an extra bonus, i'll give away a few napkins as party favors.
Response #30
By: Da Sissop
Date: 11/5/98 8:05:26 PM
Happy birthday to yoooouu....
Response #31
By: Da Sissop
Date: 11/8/98 1:05:42 AM
Here it is, in all its .jpg glory...
Response #32
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 11/8/98 4:05:23 AM
Beats all you ever saw, Been in trouble with the law, Since the day they was born.
Response #33
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 11/9/98 11:59:24 PM
What an amazingly long and flat car.
Response #34
By: Da Sissop
Date: 11/11/98 4:12:41 AM
That's how it looks as it approaches the speed of light.
Response #35
By: sooz
Date: 11/12/98 3:25:23 PM
Jimmy was talking about girls that wore "Daisy Dukes" yesterday. I began to snicker, remembering 7o7's napkins. Jimmy says "Oh, sure, mom. I'll bet you don't evern know what Daisy Dukes ARE."
I said "I'll guess that they're really really short shorts that show girls' butt cheeks." Amazed, he asked how I knew.
Trying to explain The Dukes of Haz to an 11 year old was proving difficult, so I finnaly said "They were like Baywatch, but for hicks."
Response #36
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 11/12/98 6:49:19 PM
Well, Baywatch with only one fabulous babe.
Hmm. At the time it never would have occurred to me, but at this age, I have to wonder how many gay men were avid viewers of the Dukes?
Response #37
By: sooz
Date: 11/14/98 2:19:11 PM
I guess if you're male or female, you'd have to be into the rugged blonde/handsome brunette guys thing. Examples:
Dukes of Hazzard Starsky & Hutch CHIPs Emergency Adam-12
All out for justice, with the same blond/dark format.
Response #38
By: Da Sissop
Date: 11/15/98 10:37:59 PM
Cagney & Lacey.
Response #39
By: rorschach
Date: 11/21/98 3:57:47 PM
George & Gracie
