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By: Zipperhead
Date: 4/1/98 3:41:04 PM
# Replies: 39
Thats right gang lovely little sweet Kathy Ann started her cat on fire. I must admit shes been a firbug for years. But who would start thier cat on fire. An she wonders why Bubba doesnt like her.
Response #1
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/1/98 7:43:48 PM
I'll bet it was because she watched all those Beavis and Butthead cartoons.
Response #2
By: Kathy
Date: 4/1/98 9:06:03 PM
I did watch a lot of Beavis and Butthead... but Jasper set himself on fire. I blew out the flames. He wasn't hurt, and once I combed the charred black ends out of his fur, he was good as new. The apartment smelled pretty bad though.
I like to set other things on fire though... just not my cat.
Response #3
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 4/2/98 12:09:47 PM
You know, they recently censored an episode of South Park for fire safety reasons.
Apparently Kenny was going to die because someone kept throwing matches at him and he finally caught fire and died. Comedy Central made South park take it out because they were afraid kids would emolate them.
None of this makes sense of course, because KENNY DIES. Yeah, I wanna be just like that. feh.
So, who let's their kids watch South Park, anyway?
Response #4
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/2/98 12:24:23 PM
>they were afraid kids would emolate them
This is so simple yet so beautiful.
Response #5
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/2/98 2:12:46 PM
"Hey! You got your immolation in my emulation!"
"Hey! You got your emulation in my immolation!"
Response #6
By: Hijinx
Date: 4/2/98 4:08:48 PM
I'm not even sure I should be watching South Park sometimes...
Response #7
By: sooz
Date: 4/2/98 4:14:26 PM
I've never seen Southpark. I don't have cable. I don't watch TV. It all has to do with me being the antichrist.
But even if I wasn't, I'd still hate TV.
Response #8
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 4/2/98 10:45:07 PM
I was wondering if anyone would appreciate my simple yet graceful wordplay.
Response #9
By: Mycroft
Date: 4/3/98 4:16:54 PM
I got it, I just thought it was was of those zen serendipty things and shouldn't be commented on, lest it get spoilt.
Response #10
By: rorschach
Date: 4/4/98 10:14:51 AM
on the subject of flaming cats..... (not that I mind much, I REALLY DON'T LIKE CATS......) how pray tell, did your cat burst into flame? spontaenous combustion? freebasing(the cat, not you...)? playing with matches? smoking a herring in bed?
Response #11
By: Kathy
Date: 4/4/98 8:24:33 PM
I had some candles going on the coffee table... This is a regular occurrence in my apartment, and has never been a problem before. Jasper was sitting next to a candle and started wagging his tail right into the flame. Luckily, I looked up just as he did it so I blew out the flame before it reached his skin. Upon closer examination, he must have been smelling the candle first because his whiskers are all singed too.
Response #12
By: Ralf
Date: 4/5/98 6:27:39 PM
Cat Owners: 1, Natural selection: 0.
See, cats in the wild who sniff burning candles & burst into flame do not live to pass on their genes. Jasper must be a throwback to primitive cat-times, when the earth was covered in vast thundering herds of flaming cats...
Response #13
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/6/98 7:38:00 AM
Back when man used to make fire by rubbing two cats together.
Response #14
By: rorschach
Date: 4/6/98 3:54:13 PM
so there IS a use for cats after all! and here I just thought that they were an evolutionary mistake....
Response #15
By: Zipperhead
Date: 4/7/98 9:31:48 AM
Now heres what really happend....Kathy was burning candles because she has not paid her Electric bill in 6 months...As she bent over to light up another Camel unfiltered...She knocked the candle onto Jasper...She then started to spit on his tail to put it out...Not working she then stomped the poor things tail until the fire went out...After seeing he was still alive she went back to her favorite pasttime oh shooting her two cats with her BB gun....Sorry Kath its time all these nice people here find out what a true Brat you really are... :)
Response #16
By: sooz
Date: 4/7/98 1:05:39 PM
Zip, did you notice that nearly all your posts are about Kathy lately?
Response #17
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/7/98 6:08:51 PM
It's that family-bonding thing... It's GOOD.
The family that posts together stays together.
Response #18
By: Zipperhead
Date: 4/8/98 11:14:45 AM
Thanks sooz. Your right. So its time to start posting about something else now. So Id like to have all the ladies describe their Butts to me. Hows that.
Response #19
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/8/98 11:46:22 AM
Works for me.
Response #20
By: sooz
Date: 4/8/98 1:35:46 PM
There's not enough room in a post to describe mine. It's too massive.
Response #21
By: Mycroft
Date: 4/8/98 6:23:12 PM
I could describe mine, but does anyone really need to know?
Response #22
By: Jay
Date: 4/9/98 4:44:32 PM
I have a Lite Brite rendition of mine I'm willing to submit
Response #23
By: Ralf
Date: 4/9/98 8:09:21 PM
Is it within the rules to describe my butt as if I were a lady?
Response #24
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/10/98 1:18:02 AM
As a lady and a mother, my butt is an important part of my everyday life.
Is it just me, or does anyone else really get irked by those commercials where someone says something like, "As a mother, good nutrition is important to me." Like nobody else can value good nutrition.
Feh.
"That's why I drink Shiner Bock, fortified with all the bock I need to get me through the day."
Response #25
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/10/98 2:42:52 AM
"100% USRDA of Bock!"
Fang, ads say that because they think that as mothers, women are stupid enough to look up from their ironing everytime they hear 'As a mother...' from their TV, which they leave on to drown out the feelings of worthlessness, and say, "..I'm a mother too.. and I want to be a good one..."
color me cynical.
Response #26
By: Kathy
Date: 4/10/98 12:07:47 PM
This board is a substitute for any real communication between myself and my father.
Response #27
By: Ralf
Date: 4/10/98 5:47:32 PM
In that case, I think you should know we've all been using his account...
Response #28
By: Zipperhead
Date: 4/13/98 3:19:52 PM
Whose your father Kathy? Ralf?
Response #29
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 4/13/98 9:33:29 PM
Ok, I feel compelled to say this:
'Whose' is not the contraction you meant to type, Zip. You meant to type 'Who's your father?' 'Whose' is the possessive form of 'who,' and unless things are far weirder than we can understand, Kathy is not anyone's father.
--homer D brave (the 'd' stands for didactic, as was pointed out a few years ago..)
Response #30
By: Zipperhead
Date: 4/14/98 3:31:30 PM
Thanks Homer I needed that.
Response #31
By: sooz
Date: 4/14/98 4:30:43 PM
And sometimes, Zip (pardon me, but Homer started it), posts aren't about 1) Kathy or 2) someone's behind.
Response #32
By: Ralf
Date: 4/15/98 7:13:10 PM
Or spanking.
Or me being without pants.
Response #33
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 4/19/98 10:38:05 PM
I'm not wearing any pants.
Response #34
By: Ralf
Date: 4/20/98 8:32:46 AM
This message brought to you by Men Without Pants.
(Our motto: "Where do you keep YOUR keys?")
Response #35
By: Zipperhead
Date: 4/20/98 1:11:51 PM
Darn sooz, what did I do. Well Im very proud of her. If you knew her like I do you would understand. As for the butts seemed like everyone picked up on it including you! And this group just happened to be about Kathy in the first place.
Response #36
By: Kathy
Date: 5/17/98 1:28:54 AM
So I now have my own little group where all we talk about is me?
Wow.
Response #37
By: Ralf
Date: 5/17/98 10:14:44 PM
You should see what we say about you in email...
Response #38
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 5/23/98 2:17:21 AM
Shh! She'll read you!
Response #39
By: Zipperhead
Date: 5/23/98 10:54:49 AM
Kathy, stay away from Crush the State... Hey Ralf ltns....How ya doing.