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By: bob
Date: 11/4/01 11:34:19 AM
# Replies: 41
can anyone tell me what it means when a woman shakes your hand and holds it for an extended period of time. men typically shake hands, drop hands, then continue the conversation. however, i have noticed that women sometimes will hold your hand, well after the shake, on into the conversation.
Response #1
By: sooz
Date: 11/4/01 11:45:44 AM
And on a continuted note, when men shake hands with other men, what do the following handshakes mean?
1. Guys that do a regular, business-style handshake and
2. Guys that turn it into a 3-parter: business, fist/thumb, and tops of fingers?
(If I could post images easily on here I'd give examples, but I think you know what I mean.)
Response #2
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/4/01 4:19:04 PM
Bob, it probably means they love you.
Actually, I'm physically affectionate like that, too. It just means they feel comfortable showing you they like you.
Sooz, Homer did the three-part handshake with me yesterday. He also taught me how to raise both hands in a cheering-fist and make the "cheering crowd" noise that men love to do. I think he was giving me lessons on "How to Be a Man", but I can't really figure out WHY. But if I ever need to blend into a male-dominant crowd, I think I'm prepared.
Response #3
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 11/4/01 10:05:07 PM
My friend Denis has theories about why men do the raised-fists,-make-crowd-noise thing, while women do not. It's related to the reason men seem to prefer sports more than women do: Men want to be accepted by their peers.
The three-phase handshake, on the other hand (so to speak), is something that takes people off guard, because it denotes a certain kind of class distinction and intimacy in relation to the boring palm-to-palm. And so I do it.
Response #4
By: bob
Date: 11/5/01 10:02:27 AM
ok so let me get this straight.....
when i meet a woman and she wont let go of my hand, she is in love with me, and when i meet a guy and he does the elaborate hand shake it is because he wants more intimacy?
witch: i am assuming that you are meaning "like" in the not-necessarily romantic sense, right? this is an interesting point becuase the girl that prompted the question then introduced me to her boyfriend after she finally let me let go.
Response #5
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/5/01 11:40:27 AM
Yes, I meant "like" in the non-sexual sense. I do the prolonged handshake quite often (obviously, not meaning to throw a guy off-balance).
I just happen to think that non-sexual physical contact is a really great thing. That's why I get massages all the time, and why I'm physically affectionate with most of my guy or girl friends (the ones I know who seem comfortable with it; I wouldn't want to make anyone UNcomfortable). I do feel somewhat sorry for people who are totally uncomfortable with physical affection (from men or women) because it really makes life richer and happier (I think).
And now, back to my regular sarcasm! Bob, she WANTS YOU. That could be the only reason.
Response #6
By: Roxanne
Date: 11/5/01 2:05:49 PM
I hate women who don't know how to shake hands. Many times I have shook hands with a women who give the "limp dead fish" hand shake. C'mon ladies! It's not that difficult. You grasp hands, give a firm squeeze, then let go.
Response #7
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 11/5/01 2:14:32 PM
Handshakes aren't requests for intimacy, they're markers of an intimacy that already exists. If you do the polite business handshake, you're a stranger or acquaintance who's being friendly. If you do the three-layer handshake, you're a 'homie.' If you do the grasp-each-others'-inner-forearm handshake, you're Vikings! Arrrgh! And if you put off the handshake until after sex, then the intimacy level is pretty well established, isn't it?
That's why I think doing weird handshakes with people you don't know that well is fun. Screw up the social ritual and see what happens.
Response #8
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/5/01 2:19:39 PM
The "dead-fish handshake" gives me the willies. Really.
And people who HUG that way are also a bit strange. I mean, why give me a hug if you aren't going to HUG me? If you wanted to hug me, I'm assuming you wanna gimme a quick SQUEEZE, not just ever-so-lightly touch (or delicately pat) my back.
Puleeeez.
*YAWN* When you're ready for real handshakes and hugs, then wake me up, will ya.
(Hope I'm not offending any limp-wristed or weak-hugging Nuns.)
Response #9
By: bob
Date: 11/5/01 2:28:51 PM
defense of weak hugs: for some of us who are not hug first ask questions later type of people, sometimes the hug from a new person is a little on expected and is over before you can get a full grip.
sometimes it is just uncomfortable, so you just give a little less effort so that you are "doing you part". seems a little nice to give a weak hug than to push your hands in someones shoulders and say, "i don't want a hug" hahahahaha
Response #10
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/5/01 2:57:04 PM
I rarely hug people I don't know (and especially if I feel they might be uncomfortable with it).
And then sometimes it is expected, like at weddings, funerals, reunions, and so forth. And, frankly, if I am going to hug these people, might as well make it GOOD!
I do like hugging, but I have some friends who are professed non-huggers, and I would NEVER invade their comfort zone.
Response #11
By: sooz
Date: 11/5/01 3:54:53 PM
Bob and I also talked about the three-part guy handshake where you get pulled in for a "manly hug" -- the arm around the shoulders thing. Has that been covered yet? I think this can certainly be covered by Homer's "men want to be liked" theory.
And put my name on the petition for abolishing dead fish handshakes by women (and ESPECIALLY by men). They're nasty. I also hate that bent wrist, shake-with-only-the-fingertips thing that some women do. Totally creeps me out... like I'm supposed to treat them as royalty or kiss their ring.
As far as women hugging women, there's a physically awkward thing if both women are big-breasted and about the same height. I know this is making y'all giggle, but it can really be an issue, and you can give up, and decide to do the side-to-side hugs instead.
Also, I have a very tall woman friend that's small-breasted. If we hugged at our normal heights (I'm 5'1", she's nearly 6'), I'd have a face full of small titties and she'd have a stomach full of big boobs. This wouldn't matter to me either way, but I know she'd feel funky-awkward about it. So instead, she kind of leans over and I stand on my tip-toes and we hug the parts that are above our breasts.
This conversation is goofy, by the way. I like it. :-)
Response #12
By: bob
Date: 11/5/01 11:18:27 PM
what about the snapping turtle handshakers, the people who are so intent on a firm hand shake, or in such a hurry to get it over with, that they snatch your fingers only, not giving you the time to put in the full firm hand shake.
Response #13
By: Roxanne
Date: 11/6/01 7:00:17 AM
What sooz said! The thing about the dead-fish handshakers who make you think they think they're royalty! Yes! That's the feeling it gives me too!
Yes, bosoms can be a problem if two women are trying to hug and they are of the same height and bosom sizing. But that's kind of fun. Bosoms are soft and squishy, so you just squish into each other!
Response #14
By: sooz
Date: 11/6/01 12:01:32 PM
This is going to call for a group girl hug, I can tell.
Response #15
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/6/01 5:12:22 PM
Well, let me be the first to initiate it!
*BIG BAD BEAR HUGS*
Oh shoot. I can tell the guys are jealous and want in on this, too. Alright. Come on!
*More HUGS* *Group Squeeze*
Hey! Who just pinched my ass? Was that you, Bob?
Response #16
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 11/6/01 10:06:40 PM
yeah, it was Bob. (ahem)
Response #17
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/7/01 9:02:52 AM
Gowan, you're such a gentleman. C'mere and gimme another hug.
Response #18
By: bob
Date: 11/7/01 11:09:36 AM
great, gowan gets to pinch her ass and give her another hug, meanwhile i look like a sleeze. where is the justice?
Response #19
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/7/01 5:45:16 PM
Face it. Nice guys finish first.
Response #20
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 11/7/01 6:41:21 PM
When did THAT happen? Because I didn't get the memo at ALL.
Response #21
By: bob
Date: 11/7/01 6:50:14 PM
right, nice guys always finish first, i am buying that one
Response #22
By: Roxanne
Date: 11/7/01 7:43:49 PM
No, nice guys finish last. Girls love bad boys. Because they want to change them into nice guys.
It was all explained in the fifth grade film.
Response #23
By: sooz
Date: 11/8/01 5:18:47 AM
It's tricky, trying to find that fine line.... to find a man that's a rebel, but that treats you like a queen. Ahh.
Response #24
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 11/8/01 9:23:13 AM
I saw something recently that said that the reason women pick the "bad boys" is not because they want to change them or because they're more exciting, but because they're more safe.
You know the relationship won't last and you won't get a real committment like you would from a nice guy who would hold you and love you and squeeze you and never let you go unless he's nuts.
Response #25
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/8/01 4:43:16 PM
Okay, I left out two words. "Nice guys finish first WITH ME." Sheeesh people. Not ALL nice guys finish last! I mean, how can THAT MANY people be "LAST"!?!?
Am I the only woman in here who does NOT prefer assholes?
Response #26
By: Cleotis
Date: 11/8/01 5:32:51 PM
My wife says I always finish first.
Does that make me a nice guy or not?
Response #27
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 11/8/01 7:12:47 PM
For the record, someone should point out how many kids Cleo has.
Response #28
By: sooz
Date: 11/9/01 5:09:51 AM
(As if the number of kids you have reflects how loving your relationship is... BONK for Gowan.)
About the nice guys thing: Often, guys who consider themselves "nice guys" are actually "whipped guys," and "whipped guys" are gross. Richie's a nice guy, of course. He's sweet and gentle and kind and really, he's a nice guy. But you know what I like that balances that? He won't let me (or anyone else) take advantage of him. The guy has boundaries. He's not "whipped," as they say.
If I can say sweetly to a guy "Dear, please go jump off that bridge for me, ok, honey?" and the guy will, I don't consider him a "nice guy." I consider him a pushover, and he doesn't interest me. I want a man that can stand up for himself, ya know?
Response #29
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 11/9/01 7:22:39 AM
No, see, it wasn't about how loving his relationship is. It was about him "always finishing first". ahem.
Response #30
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/9/01 11:15:25 AM
Um... No, Cleo, that would NOT make you a "nice guy" in MY book.
Response #31
By: bob
Date: 11/9/01 12:32:05 PM
hahahaha gowan
Response #32
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/14/01 3:40:08 PM
Bob, did you ever find out a good answer to your question?
Response #33
By: Cleotis
Date: 11/14/01 7:09:54 PM
hahaha. I'm still laughing at Witchy's comment about me being a nice guy.
Response #34
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/14/01 7:34:59 PM
Well, honesty is what I'm about, man.
Response #35
By: bob
Date: 11/15/01 11:06:39 AM
a good answer? sure....sometimes it means one thing, sometimes it means something else, sometimes it doesn't mean anything. so....basically i am back where i started.
Response #36
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/15/01 11:36:47 AM
See. You came full-circle.
Response #37
By: bob
Date: 11/15/01 7:10:32 PM
story of my life
Response #38
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/15/01 9:31:05 PM
You've had a good life, Bob.
Response #39
By: bob
Date: 11/16/01 10:29:17 AM
running around in circles till i run out of breath
Response #40
By: WitchHazel
Date: 11/16/01 10:31:18 AM
Sounds dizzying, actually. I suggest you slow down.
Response #41
By: bob
Date: 11/17/01 4:57:23 PM
eventually, it was actually a song quote