|  |
|
| |
By: sooz
Date: 4/5/98 11:42:33 PM
# Replies: 28
This weekend, some friends went out of town. Suffering from a momentary lapse of reason, I volunteered to watch their 4 children, ages 8, 4, 2 and 1. Heck, it was only 24 hours... what could go wrong?
1) The baby ate the cat food, after dragging the bowl's contents through the living room. 2) The baby was discovered eating out of the sugar cannister, using the scoop as a spoon. 3) I then wiped the baby's runny nose, smearing it across her yummy, sugar-covered face, making her a real live Sugar Booger. 4) The baby doesn't like to wear her diaper. She'll take it off unless you quickly put clothing on top of it. She'll do this at nap time, and deficate in her crib. I should have clothed her. Oops. 5) The 4 year old didn't want to change out of his new baseball pants. Ever. 6) The 8 year old left, to go stay with friends. 7) The 4 year old shrieked "I WANT MY MOMMY!" I shrieked back, "I WANT YOUR MOMMY TOO!"
Roseanne says: "This is why some animals eat their young."
And that was only the first hour.
Response #1
By: rorschach
Date: 4/6/98 3:47:13 PM
it HAS been a while hasn't it sooz...... funny how parents' memories seem so selective..... becky's been wanting another one and I still remember the week long (seemingly) nights where i am alternately innundated with ear peircing shrieks and projectile vomiting, apparently she does NOT.....
Response #2
By: Ralf
Date: 4/6/98 6:13:20 PM
If only babies came with an off-switch.
Response #3
By: sooz
Date: 4/7/98 12:56:51 PM
I had all that, I remember. But it's worth it.
Response #4
By: Jay
Date: 4/7/98 4:35:09 PM
especially when they get old enough to sell for slave on Filipino sponge diving ships in the South China Sea
Response #5
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/7/98 6:01:35 PM
(Flashback to Atlanta....)
Okay, for the first year of my stint as an Atlantan I lived right next door to a TGIFriday's, and for lack of a better "pub" in the area, I would frequently wander over after work and consume Leinenkugel's Red (sp?), play NTN trivia, and eat dinner.
I sorta became a "regular". Yeah, I know, I was hanging out with freakin' BluesBusters, but ya gotta play the hand that's dealt ya.
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because one evening, I'm seated at a table looking at the menu, trying to decide what I wanna eat, and at a table next to me is this young couple with a loud baby in one of those port-a-baby cradle thingies. The baby in the cradle is sitting on top of their table.
The waitress comes over and asks me if I'd like to try their new baby-back ribs.
I glance over at the other table and reply, "Mmmmm, they *do* look tasty!"
It is sooo rare that life hands you comedy bits like that.
Response #6
By: Cleotis
Date: 4/7/98 6:49:20 PM
heh heh.
Here's my take on kids...
The longer you live you life without some of your own, the more you're ripping yourself off.
I've got three, and a mom that's good with 'em, so I have it pretty easy.
But, I did see a urologist today, and learned the finer points of my reproductive system.
Cleo gets the big snip next week. OUCH!
If you see me show up here a lot more often next week, it's because the chair here in front of my computer is soft. Reeeeeeeeallly soft!
Response #7
By: sooz
Date: 4/8/98 1:16:22 PM
I say it's a coin toss, deciding which person should get the snip when the time comes.
On the other hand, I just typed a report that said "The patient had a failed tubal ligation in 1945, after which she had 12 children."
Let's hope our technology has advanced in the last 50 years.
Response #8
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/8/98 4:22:52 PM
Yeah, it's kinda scary to think you could shell out all that money for surgery and STILL wind up makin' more babies. Cleo, have you considered Neuticles?
Response #9
By: Mycroft
Date: 4/8/98 5:57:17 PM
Ehh, I probably shouldn't breed, period.
Response #10
By: rorschach
Date: 4/8/98 7:50:37 PM
ya know sooz, that woman with the failed tubal, you'da thunk she would have figured out that the tubal didn't work after the second or third kid.......
PLEASE don't get me wrong..... I WANT more kids.... I LOVE kids... I just haven't recovered from the first one yet.....emotionally OR financially.... ESPECIALY financially.....
actually ralf.... they do... just a couple of small problems with it.... its a one shot deal... once they are off they STAY off.... then you have some explaining to do to the big guy with the badge and the gun.....
Response #11
By: sooz
Date: 4/9/98 12:14:24 PM
I only want one more, and then, only if he/she is cute. I'm sending any ugly babies back to the hospital.
Response #12
By: Loki
Date: 4/9/98 2:56:16 PM
Mycroft keeps threatening to someday sire the grandchildren of Jaka and I. We agree, he definitely shouldn't breed. Failing that, our kids will have extensive training in how to either avoid or mentally scar Mycroft.
Response #13
By: Hijinx
Date: 4/9/98 4:13:15 PM
My wife is having severe baby cravings right now...
As of the moment, we have none, and I'd like to keep it that way fro a few more years, we're still newlyweds, and getting used to living with each other. I can't handle another person in the mix.
Any ideas to help me get her through this time, and to get her to stop bugging me about it.
Response #14
By: Jay
Date: 4/9/98 4:33:03 PM
Babbies are GREAT...if you cook 'em long enough...
...so says the guy who lives with twin 1 year olds....
Response #15
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/9/98 5:51:50 PM
Hijinx: Do ya'll have any pets? That might buy ya another couple of years.
"Look what followed me home, honey! This adorable monitor lizard!"
Response #16
By: sooz
Date: 4/9/98 8:15:28 PM
Da Sis is right. I've gone through the baby craze thing a few times. The first time, I had Jimmy. The second time, I got a cat. That worked for 5 years!
I'm having those cravings again, but it's a mutual thing w/me and my husband, so it's cool.
Another idea to dissuade her is to take her to McDonald's and set outside at the tables on the playground, listening to the children scream, and watching the mothers pull their hair out. Of course, that may appeal to her. Hmm.
Response #17
By: Hijinx
Date: 4/13/98 11:15:45 PM
She is so deluded as to think that our kids will be angels and would never scream as to hurt or offend their beautiful mother.
Hello...wake up honey...
Response #18
By: sooz
Date: 4/14/98 4:17:35 PM
I was such a beatific pacifist when Jimmy (my first and so far only child) was small. I wouldn't let a friend play cars with him because said friend would crash the cars together, gleefully shouting "WHEE!", and I thought that was much too violent. I believed that, if raised with enough peace and love and flowers and squishiness, no child would grow up mean.
Now I have a normal 11 year old that likes to squash bugs, chase girls, and watch Nascar car wrecks. I'm much more mellow now, and a lot less weird. He's taught me a lot.
Response #19
By: rorschach
Date: 4/17/98 12:12:34 PM
true fact sooz, despite what many people believe, the capacity for violence is a hardwired trait for humans. same is true for most of the other "dark" urges. in fact if you were to delete the capacity for those things from the human species, we would cease to innovate, improve, and possibly even procreate....
Response #20
By: Da Sissop
Date: 4/17/98 2:04:23 PM
"Wild Bill" Gates once shot a man on a train just fer SNORIN' too loud.
Response #21
By: sooz
Date: 4/17/98 4:15:22 PM
I like Fang cuz he can make a point without actually saying it, see?
Response #22
By: Loki
Date: 4/18/98 1:07:13 PM
Yeah, but once you load that Left-hand path OS it will forever dominate your destiny...
Response #23
By: rorschach
Date: 4/18/98 4:48:55 PM
sorta like that flaky install of win 95.... nothing short of a HD wipe will rid you of it.....and sometimes even THAT is not 100%.....
Response #24
By: Cleotis
Date: 4/18/98 9:22:23 PM
format brain - colon
Won't that clean out everything in between?
Response #25
By: sooz
Date: 4/19/98 3:30:05 PM
For some of us, this task has already been done, ol' Cleo.
I bought a new sound card/CD drive. Wonder if I can install it myself? Sure I can.
If I don't logon for a long time, you'll know what I broke.
Response #26
By: Zipperhead
Date: 4/20/98 12:55:43 PM
Hey gang. Check out www.tickticktick.com. Its a Y2K BBS. See if you can guess which responses the old Zipper left.
Response #27
By: Capt. Spastic
Date: 6/7/98 9:46:27 PM
May I reinterate that it is my firm belief that the gov should indeed issue a roll of duct tape per child per household per week.
Just in case...
Response #28
By: rorschach
Date: 6/11/98 9:15:20 PM
actually i have always wondered why they dont have a two for one thing going at the hospital.... have your delivery here and get two free pre-frontal lobotomies to go....