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By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/26/98 12:27:52 PM
# Replies: 32
I guess I have a problem with the depiction of Communicator devices in the various Star Trek shows and movies. It's a continuity problem, and it prevents me from sucessfully suspending disbelief and enjoying this escapist entertainment to the fullest.
For starters, you never see Kirk flip open his communicator, and there's already a conversation in progress. Like, a couple of the redshirts are just shootin' the shit. This would seem to indicate that they are communicating on private, or at least semi-private channels, right?
Okay, then how come you never see anyone DIALING anyone else? You never hear Picard mutter that he can't remember Geordi's number. He just thumps his chest, starts speaking, and then magically, miles away, Geordi, AND ONLY GEORDI, starts hearing Picard's voice coming out of his chest.
I'm sorry, but I can't get past this.
Response #1
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 10/26/98 8:38:44 PM
Geez..I guess I get to be the big Trek geek, eh?
On the original series (TOS), oftentimes you'd see Kirk or whoever fiddling with small dials on the communicators when they call someone. So, when Kirk just flips the communicator open, he may have already had the communicator set to who he's "calling".
On The Next Generation (TNG), usually, they say something like "Riker to Picard" or "Picard to Enterprise" when using the comm badges. Once again, you can suppose that either the comm badges call the last person called when an address isn't given or they're using some variant of speed-dial.
I'm sure the MegaBorgGeeks on the startrek newsgroups could give you a much more detailed explanation, but I won't subject you to that.
Response #2
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/27/98 1:29:37 AM
I can't help but think that slapping a metal object which is pinned to your chest would cause a bit of bruising.
Response #3
By: sooz
Date: 10/27/98 9:04:13 AM
I've often marveled at the newsgroups, and hardcore Trekkies in general. You know who I mean... the people that Gowan referred to that come up with explanations for these types of things. I really wanna say
"PSST.. it's pretend. Make believe. Folks on a set, wandering around, and other folks with cameras. They're just playing, you see. There's no ship, there's no Borg, and there's certainly no Klingons or (thank whoever) Ferengi."
And for the record, that communicator thing has always bugged ME, too. I mean, at least when they're transporting someone, O'Brien or whatever that Irish guy's name is fiddles with some dials and things, so he'll zap people to the right location.
Even phasers have settings: "Set phasers on stun!"
I'm gonna thump my chest and see if it'll call my friend across town.
Response #4
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/27/98 11:42:08 AM
"Wooowoo! Check out the Communicators on HER!"
Response #5
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 10/27/98 11:51:51 AM
well, the explanation is simple. to the untrained eye, communicators are turned on by a simple touch. but in reality, there's a secret handshake going on. watch closely.
Response #6
By: rorschach
Date: 10/27/98 7:15:03 PM
i dunno, the've got cell phones that have voice operated dialing. SWbull offers voice dialing where you just say dial soandso.... and it does its thing, seems reasonable to expect that by the 24th century they might have progressed a bit in the natual voice parsing thing.... what i have never quite wrapped my mind around is the apparent incongruity between "warp" speed and the speed of light.... if you compare the OLD ST with the newer flavors or even the old movies versus the new movies it appears that the definition of "warp" changes.... and how video messages can go from earth to a bajillion light years away and they are still able to converse normally without time delays... (in the MILLIONS OF YEARS NO LESS!) or for that matter why anyone ever had to die in the first place on the show. they already have the abiity to convert energy into matter (transporter/replicator) it is my understanding that supposedly replicators are an outgrowth of transporters and in one episode of tng they used a previously stored pattern of picard to reconstitute him when he stupidly zapped himself into deep space. why not take the body, zap it into the transporter, and then zap it back out using an old stored pattern? think backup tapes for humans....or if you want a clone of yourself zap an equivalent amout of mass in and zap out a perfect copy instantly, perfect right down to the quantum states of every subatomic particle! (they have hiesenberg compensators after all!)
Response #7
By: Da Sissop
Date: 10/27/98 8:40:20 PM
Okay, so it's voice-recognition speed dialing. But nobody's EVER gotten a busy signal, or said "excuse me, I've got another call coming in."
And even without transporter backups, they've got that Genesis technology. They could be transporting corpses daily to remote uninhabitable planets, detonating Genesis bombs, terraforming the planets and providing Search-For-Spock style inhabitants, all in one fell swoop. Or, for those who died in unfortunate accidents, they could do that slingshot-around-the-sun-and-go-back-in-time maneuver and PREVENT them all. Funeral homes could offer burial, cremation, or PREVENTION.
Response #8
By: Ralf
Date: 10/28/98 8:32:33 AM
Keep in mind, all that stuff is SECRET. The average Federation citizen doesn't know of all those clandistine forrays into the past, or entanglements with Omnipotent Aliens Of The Week.
It would cause mass hysteria and panic.
Response #9
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 11/2/98 1:26:02 AM
this would be a good time to vent my spleen on my one big star trek hangup: seven of nine, the borg character on star trek voyager. okay now, not that seventh of seven is the most k-rad handle of all time (though i certainly thought so when i made it up), and not that it's so original that someone couldn't come up with something similar, and when that 'six' character showed up on blossom the tv series, i was cool with it, knowing that what people inferred from our two names was significantly different. but nary a few years ago here comes this seven of nine 'borg'--just a *bit* too similar to my own handle, and it forces me to choose between two possible scenarios of reality:
now i'm pretty in touch with myself--i'd like to think that i'm not repressing anything. threrefore, i must conclude the former. now i'm not looking for a yacht or anything--just some simple acknolwedgement, maybe in the opening credits, so that it says "Geri Ryan: Seven of Nine (inspired by Ron "Tex" Lee, aka Seventh of Seven)", something that will let the world know that the cool sounding name was the product of a simple texas boy. and it would also let geri ryan know i exist.
thank you <off the soapbox>
Response #10
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 11/2/98 6:41:36 PM
Well, since Gene's dead, I think it's that first option you mention.
I think it's funny that it *just so happens* that the borg they find is a fabulous babe, who looks good in B/Dish borg costuming. Not some ugly guy with his head split open for the easy insertion of borg technology, but a sexy woman whose remaining implants accentuate her natural loveliness.
Who'da thought?
Response #11
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 11/2/98 9:12:52 PM
well you know, that queen borg was not unattractive either. so maybe all the female borgs are super attractive, and only the male ones look like picard.
Response #12
By: Shadow Sprite
Date: 3/2/99 4:40:16 PM
Picking up a dead thread here, but the one thing that always irked me about the post, er... "classic" Star Trek, was the fact that these super-powerful aliens and technology was never mentioned again. I mean, geez people! It's what, about 100 years ahead of the Kirk and the gang! Haven't you gotten that Genesis device figured out yet? Is Spock's bro still fighting with Gawd or what?
No, instead we get a guy who's from a culture that has only developed one letter, Q. Q! It's not even worth as many points as Z in Scrabble! What kind of crappy villian is that?
...Looking forward to Star Wars: The Phantom Menace though. No matter how inconsistant SW is I can always watch it. Even if Luke and Leia kissed far to often for siblings. Just another one of Lucas' fetishes I guess.
Response #13
By: Seventh of Seven
Date: 3/2/99 5:10:51 PM
they didn't know their sin...
Response #14
By: Ralf
Date: 7/27/99 12:07:24 PM
So, here it is, 5 months later.
Is the Phantom Menace reason enough to burn all your old Star Trek classic tapes?
If you're a trekkie, check this out.
But bring plenty o'bandwidth...
Response #15
By: Roxanne
Date: 7/27/99 4:34:20 PM
Phantom Menace is enough to make me *cherish* the Star Trek classic series! As whimsical as they were, Tribbles were a hell of a lot more intelligent idea than Jar Jar Binks!!
Response #16
By: Jerichos Burlap
Date: 7/28/99 12:47:08 AM
Jar Jar was the "hook" for a new generation of kids; in fact, the whole movie was. But don't worry, no way Hollywood has forgotten sex, violence & rock-n-roll. The next one will have hooks for the parents, too.
Response #17
By: Ralf
Date: 7/28/99 6:36:57 AM
Come to think of it, if Happy Meals came with a beer that would attract more adults.
Response #18
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 10/1/99 6:47:08 PM
The other day I came into the office and looked at the now-abandoned receptionist's desk and saw that a courier had come by and picked up a package and left the receipt. The receipt read: "Captain Kirk's Couriers" and had a list. It follows:
Top 10 Reasons for using Captain Kirk's Couriers
1. Willing to mind meld about specific requirements.
2. Force fields allow us to park wherever we want.
3. Delivery units resemble well dressed humanoids.
4. Warp drive available upon request.
5. We scan for carbon-based life forms before cutting through backyards.
6. Free smile with every purchase over 100 Federation credits.
7. Fueling on Dilithium crystals lets us run faster-jump higher.
8. Beaming technology superior to late 20th century junk.
9. Bill collecting done with phasers on stun.
10. We'll run over tribbles if we have to.
To boldly go wherever you want!
Response #19
By: Ralf
Date: 10/2/99 1:20:29 PM
Naw! Really?
No!
...really?
Response #20
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 10/4/99 2:28:12 PM
Really.
I bet Paramount doesn't know a thing about it. YET.
Response #21
By: Ralf
Date: 10/5/99 9:08:59 AM
As soon as Paramount legal gets a whiff, it'll be black unmarked helicopters and stormtroopers bustin' in the door of the couriers office.
Response #22
By: Shadow Sprite
Date: 10/5/99 11:08:13 AM
Sorry, but Stormtroopers are a licenced property of LucasFilm, Ltd. If Paramount had them, there'd be all sorts of film wars going on!
I've not been a big Trek fan, but I've noticed that over the years the Federation is becomming more corrupt and violent. I can only hope that the next TV series is some sort of revolution series, maybe a bunch of people fighting the right to be led like sheep by some evil emperor with a bunch of psychic powers...
Response #23
By: Gowan McGland
Date: 10/5/99 8:36:21 PM
DEATH TO MING!
Response #24
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/6/99 2:52:06 AM
Gee, Shadow, what you describe sounds vaguely like the last two seasons of Babylon 5...
Babylon 5: Proving that Walter Koenig can't act, even without the fake Russian accent.
Response #25
By: Ralf
Date: 10/6/99 7:51:39 AM
The next Trek series is probably going to take place in a "far flung back waters" in a conveniently forgotten-about region we've never heard of before.
Seems the Federation has a quiet neighbor with roughly equivalent tech and similar ideals and population. We've never heard from these guys before because they're peaceful and boring. I forget their name... call them "Canada."
So it seems Canada is being invaded by a previously unknown race of super assholes who will wipe out the Canadian provinces in no time flat unless help arrives. These guys are PURE EEVIL and make the Borg look like Mr.Rogers on Prozac.
But alas, the Federation -- giddy with victory and flush with warships from the Dominion conflict -- is over three years away at Warp 9. The *only* Federation ship in Canada is the marvelous new super-mega-bohemoth-bohunkus-mondo-honker named "Giganticus" or "Caligula" or something else magestic. I forget.
Anyhoo, the Gigantic Mondorific Caligula is tasked by the Fed to hold off the marauding hordes of Brazillian tourists or whatever until help arrives -- essentially a three-year story arc.
And there you have it. Another finely crafted franchise, warmed up and humming, waiting for deployment the minute, nay, PICOSECOND Voyager sees Earth on its viewscreen.
And no, I'm not making this up.
Except for the names. Maybe.
Response #26
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/7/99 4:08:33 AM
Star Trek is the TV show of syllables. I bet the syllable/word ratio for any Star Trek show is higher than all the other shows on TV combined. You'd have to ask yourself tough questions while tallying the data, though... Questions like, 'Is it 'trans warp' or 'transwarp'?'
Star Trek is also the closest thing to pure Dada on TV. If you don't know what 'transwarp' means, then you're watching actors babble nonsense for an hour.
Response #27
By: Ralf
Date: 10/7/99 6:25:05 AM
There's actually a man on staff -- Okuda? -- who's job is to pull deus ex machinoidal plot devices out of his butt.
Here's how it works:
Writer A infects Voyager with an insanely dangerous disease, a Borg metaphagic assimilation holovirus. Everyone dies. Because it's a "holovirus" (Writer A made it up in the shower; sounded good at the time) it also infects the rest of the galaxy by hijacking the sensor dish and beaming itself back to earth, and thence the federation. Soon everyone's dead. Everywhere.
Next the Emergency Medical Hologram accidently destroys Voyager in an ill-planned attempt to meld the transporter with the warp-core to reconstitute everyone back to health.
At this point Writer A is stumped. All he could think about up to now is the cool-yet-poignant scene where the doctor, holographic tears streaming down his cheeks and singing a funeral wake, pulls the final lever and the ship EXPLODES around him in a spasm of cgi. He's written like a fiend for WEEKS to get here.
What now? Scratching his head, he enters the office of Okuda.
Okuda is a calm man, the oracle of all Trek canon & wisdom. He's been here since before the Berman days, and was a friend of Roddenberry. There isn't a panel on the bridge of any post-1980's Star Trek ship that doesn't bear his unique, patented Okudagram graphics.
Okuda listens intently as Writer A waves his hands and makes shooshing noises ("the ship EXPLODES!") and brings him up to speed. Soon the problem is apparent to everyone. Okuda ponders. He rubs finger to chin a few times to stoke the creative fires.
Then he brightens. The solution is simple: It Was All A Dream.
B'Lenna hit her head in engineering and stumbled into the holodeck and mumbled something incoherent which the computer used to whip up this fantasy world where everyone's dead! The final scene is Chakotay & Paris jimmying open the door to the holodeck and rescuing an unconcious B'Lanna.
No, wait, Writer A says. That's not Trek enough.
Trek enough? Okuda scoffs.
Yeah. It needs... trekking up.
Ah! Okay, about this: THIS ship was a parallel universe Voyager, split off when...
Nononono... we need... you know... what you do... with the technology...
Hmmmm. You mean a phaseatic biowarp pulsar beam infused with a bilinear transnucleonic carrier wave, that when pulsed through the remains of Voyager by a mysterious dark probe (perhaps Borg?) causes them to reconstitute from their individual atoms?
Yeah! Go! Go!
And once reconstituted, Janeway figures out what happens and sends an ANTIholovirus to the alpha quadrant, which finds the first virus and kills it before it can wreak havok?
Yes! YES! [slooge]
...we did that LAST week.
Response #28
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/8/99 2:18:27 PM
So I watched Voyager last night, and it was actually good. It had crew members screwing up. They disobeyed orders. They got chewed out by the captain. That's been my criticism of all things Star Trek... No one screws up. If they fail, it's only that they fail to *do enough*.
Response #29
By: Ralf
Date: 10/9/99 9:28:37 AM
Agreed!
But it took them seven seasons and 60-trazillion light-years of distance from Starfleet Command to loosen up.
Response #30
By: Cleotis
Date: 10/9/99 5:50:22 PM
While in Vegas this summer, the wifey and I checked out the LVHilton's "Star Trek Experience".
Stay away from the slots there, because they're pretty tight, but make sure you check out the ride while you're there. Well worth the money, and waiting in line was the best part.
Actually, the best part was when you were transported aboard the ship, but I don't want to spoil it for you.
Response #31
By: Ralf
Date: 10/11/99 7:53:26 AM
Do you wake up with your wallet missing?
("Those damned Ferrengi!")
Response #32
By: Homer The Brave
Date: 10/11/99 12:22:46 PM
No, there's a 'transporter malfunction' and you end up dead. However, your wallet managed to survive and your visa card number has been scanned by the transporter computer.