"Okay," the doctor closed the door behind him. "I think I've got something here." He opened a little manila file folder. "These are your x-rays. Now, there's absolutely nothing abnormal showing up in the region where you've been experiencing the pain."
"My butt's fine?"
"From a purely medical standpoint, yes. However," he pulled out one of the x-rays and tacked it onto the backlit display, "take a look at this one. This is your chest x-ray. Now check out this rectangular shape right here."
"What... what is it?"
"I don't know. But I'd like to take another look. Would you stand up, please."
"Should I take off my shirt?" Ted asked.
"No no, leave it on. And turn around."
Ted turned around.
"Ah." the doctor said. "I think I see the problem."
"What is it?"
"Well, fortunately it's not life-threatening. It's a 'Kick Me' sign."
"Can you remove it?" Ted reached around to try to feel it.
"I wouldn't recommend that just yet. There's no telling what might be underneath. I'd like to get some additional x-rays of the region before committing to any one course of action."
Ted sat down. The doctor began scribbling on a pad, and continued, "I'm going to write you a prescription for Codeine, and I'd like to see you here again on Tuesday."