I've just returned from my fifth consecutive trip to the South By Southwest Music Festival, where my friend Jay and I go and see all the cool new bands and flash our badges around and pretend that we're music industry bigwigs.

In years past, as I have sat down at my keyboard to recap the events, I have been fortunate to either have at least one *pretty good* story to tell (i.e. accidentally crashing a private party where Neil Finn was headlining in 2002, or accidentally joining a peace march in 2003), or else I've had a clear theme in mind to guide my presentation (the overwhelming number of conflicting show options at the 2004 fest). This year, however, I'm kind of at a loss for words. It's not that the festival was a dud or anything; it wasn't. And there was an even more overwhelming array of conflicting options this year than last. But I think there was just some sort of weird karmic vibe, and I sensed it happening long before the festival even started when I saw a bunch of people on the specialty-SXSW-fest message forums venting anger and frustration about the shortage of festival wristbands, and de-facto frustration at the increasing number of badge-purchasers who must have been responsible for it.

On top of that, I had high hopes for a new tiny, tapeless camcorder I had purchased, and it really turned out to be a piece of crap. So I don't have any decent video, and my pictures are even worse this year than in years past.

And on top of THAT, Jay and I managed to inadvertently piss off a lot more people this year than we normally do.

It started on Wednesday. As fate would have it, our schedule had quite a few Singer/Songwriters on it that night. Now, the fact that we had them on our schedule should speak volumes about our respect for the institutions of singing and songwriting. I wrote a hair metal song once, and let me tell you, I appreciate how difficult it is to write good music. And I am not capable of singing in any sort of way that anyone would ever want to hear it. And when it's just you on that stage, in that spotlight, with your guitar, and maybe a harmonica bolted onto your neck, I appreciate how difficult it must be to keep an audience riveted. But I am also of the opinion that, when you start strapping multiple instruments onto your body, it could be a sign that it's time to just break down and go ahead and get a band.

I think we accidentally pissed off a singer/songwriter in a bar while discussing this, though.

Freakishly tall people in front of usWe also had multiple experiences where we found ourselves at a packed showcase in the back of the house, and everyone in front of us was freakishly tall. Jay and I are both about average height, and I know that when God was handing out physical attributes and I made that conscious decision to make additional trips through the lines for penis-size and thick-luxurious-hair, I was under the impression that "average" height would GUARANTEE that I was at least AS TALL as 50% of the population. But apparently most of the fans of the sort of bands I like are taller than the average human.

I think we may have pissed off our above-average-height bartender while discussing this, though. She didn't say anything, but I swear I saw her making a mental note when we used the phrase "freakishly tall."

Oh yeah, and I think we may have used the word "midgets" at some point in a way that might have been taken out of context. There was a band playing at the festival, which Jay had spotted in the newspaper's recap of the previous day's shows, and they seemed to have what some might describe as a "novelty" quality about them: They dressed as pirates, and also appeared to be significantly shorter than the average band. Jay suggested that if we had gone to see their show we might've been able to see over the crowd. But anyway, the point is, I don't think we succeeded in spreading as much joy and love and warmth as we intended this time around.

And, for the first time, I *missed* seeing bands I had designated as a must-see (The Futureheads, and Ratatat, FYI), due to the venues being filled to capacity. Ohyeah, AND... AND Jay and I got our shoes PUKED on by a drunk chick at La Zona Rosa.

Weird karmic vibe all around, I'm tellin' ya, man.

So, like last year, I'll go ahead and post the whole original schedule, just so you can get a sense of the overwhelming options I had. The shows I saw are in bold, and the ones I  missed are grayed out.

Wednesday, March 16th, 2005

4:00 PM Cracker Emo's Annex
8:00 PM Robyn Hitchcock Emo's Main Room
Longtime readers and first time callers know I'm a big Robyn Hitchcock fan, and the man can do no wrong in mine eyes, but I am particularly fond of his work with a band, and preferably that band is the Egyptians. He still puts on a great show no matter what, but this was our first show of the fest, and it was a Singer/Songwriter with mostly just his voice and a guitar, with the occasional strap-on harmonica. Not bad, but when I excused myself from the performance to go pee, I found myself strangely drawn to the music wafting over the Emo's fence, and I don't know who it was, but the singer was a girl, and I was ensnared by her siren song and remained in the back of the venue until the end of the performance.
8:45 PM John Cale & Alejandro Escovedo Austin Music Hall
9:00 PM Hilary York The 18th floor at Crowne Plaza
When we first started attending the festival, waaay back in 2001, Hilary was our favorite bartender at the Gingerman. And she actually remembered us in subsequent years when we would show up to drink and plan our schedule. She played an "unofficial" gig during the 2003 fest, but this was the first "official" SXSW gig for her that we were aware of, so we marked her on our calendar. She is a damn good singer/songwriter, and she does some kickass cover tunes (X? Neil Diamond?) but I'd still like to see her with a band.
10:00 PM Smoosh Maggie Mae's
Smoosh. How much can I gush about Smoosh without sounding like a pervert? They're approximately 10 and 12 years old, a keyboard and drum duo, playing music that should not be coming from humans who are just 10 and 12 years old. I don't know if they write their own songs, but they sure give me great hope that the future of music is going to be okay. And they are cute as the dickens.
10:00 PM Jason Falkner Tambaleo
10:00 PM Mike Doughty Buffalo Billiards
We left the Smoosh show early because it just felt too weird for two guys pushing forty to be enjoying their show so much. We stopped in to check out Mike Doughty, formerly of Soul Coughing, but it turns out he was doing another Singer/Songwriter kind of thing. Again, it wasn't bad, it just wasn't as invigorating a show as we think we might have seen had there been an actual band onstage with him. Doughty is great, Doughty is good, but three Singer/Songwriter thingys is just pushing it for one night.
11:00 PM Evil Nine Elysium
Evil Nine was one of my must-see shows. A friend o'mine provided a set of their mp3s to download... some might refer to this as illegal "file sharing" but I prefer to think of it as "viral marketing." This is a UK-based, er, ... okay, bearing in mind that I am pushing forty, I would call it a techno/hip-hop act. I am igna'nt of all the subtle nuances between "house" and "trance" and "electronica" and whatnot, but these had a helluva beat, and they rocked hard, and they made me nearly almost consider possibly dancing, which I absolutely NEVER do.
11:00 PM Moonlight Towers Blender Balcony at The Ritz
Fun fact: This is the band that the cast of "The Real World: Austin" were tasked to follow around and document. So we added 'em to our schedule just in case. It wasn't a compelling enough reason for us to actually go see 'em, although we did bump into the Real World crew several times over the course of our stay, so keep yer eyes open for our cameos.
12:00 AM Twinemen Blender Bar @ the Ritz
12:00 AM Elvis Costello La Zona Rosa
12:00 AM Billy Idol Stubbs
1:00 AM American Music Club The Vibe
1:00 AM Murder by Death Sake on Sixth
1:00 AM The Wrens The Parish

Okay, it was Day 1 of the festival, and we crapped out after the Evil Nine show. We're old. But I figure, Elvis Costello will tour again some day, right?

 

Thursday, March 17th, 2005

More random weirdness this morning, as Jay is walking around with his iPod headphones on, periodically muttering strange-sounding things like "Glort." "Splort." "Bjork."

There's a girl coming to visit him from the Netherlands shortly, and he's got some sort of "Teach Yourself an Impressive Amount of Dutch in a Short Amount of Time" audio lessons on his iPod.

"Mijn hovercraft wordt gevuld met palingen." - "My hovercraft is filled with eels."

Day? Dogs Die in Hot Cars Yard Dog
Day? Lou Barlow  Yard Dog
Day? Clem Snide Emo's Annex 
1:00 PM The Wrens Emo's Outside
1:30 PM Smoosh Trade Center Day Stage
What? No, we're not perverts. Smoosh was GOOD, and they were playing the trade show day stage right next to our hotel. It would be negligent of us to knowingly miss this performance.
2:00 PM Soundtrack of Our Lives  Waterloo Records
2:15 PM Lou Barlow  Trade Center Day Stage
Gaaah, another Singer/Songwriter gig. Jay made the comment, "A stripper without a pole," and I understood what he meant, in that we are both fans of his work with bands (Folk Implosion, Sebadoh, Dinosaur Jr.), and we really want to see his Oomph backed up with some more, er, oomph. He did put on a great performance, though, and I do award him with the coveted "Best Cover Song Of the Festival" award for his solo acoustic rendition of Ratt's "Round and Round."
2:00 PM The Kills / Supersystem / Go Betty Go
3:00 PM Mark Mallman Emo's Annex
This guy was weird. No, seriously. We're there early to see Clem Snide, who we've seen a couple of years previously, and this guy comes out with his keyboard, and his drummer, and his iPod, and despite these  not-particularly-Glammy trappings, manages to put on a pretty impressive Glam-Rock spectacle of a show. I commented at the time, "He's like a cross between Ian Hunter and Sam Kinison." Shortly thereafter he had a mildly disturbing homoerotic interlude with a guest onstage, but still, all things considered, I have to give him props for an overall good Thursday afternoon show.
4:00 PM Clem Snide Emo's Annex

Clem Snide is the winner of the coveted "Perennial Favorite" award. I've seen them several times over the last few years, and they just keep getting better. A couple of years ago I would have described them as Alt-Country, but that's really too restrictive a label for them, since they can rock harder than most buzz bands, and they can send a chill down your spine as they do it, since the guitarist is likely playing a banjo with a freakin' bow to make those sounds. Go see this band. Go now. If they are not playing in your town, go while Southwest Airlines fares are still cheap. GO. This is a band you must see.
4:10 PM Ambulance Ltd. Hard Rock Café
4:15 PM Tegan & Sara Emo's Outside
5:00 PM The Dears Waterloo Records
5:00 PM Calexico Jovita's
8:00 PM Bedroom Walls Latitude 30
8:00 PM Be Your Own Pet La Zona Rosa
Spunky. That's the word I have stuck in my brain. Spunky. Spunky. I think it applies mostly to the vocalist, though.

We got there early, mostly because I convinced Jay that The Futureheads at 11PM would probably be the most kickass show of the festival, and he didn't have anything on his must-see list that trumped  mine.

No complaints about this band, really. But this turned out to be the night of the Freakishly Tall People, and I was lucky to get this tiny blurry photo. My comfort level was about to decrease rapidly shortly after taking this picture.

9:00 PM Kaiser Chiefs La Zona Rosa
Spunky. These are some spunky British lads. I think they were probably pretty good, but the Freakishly Tall were starting to move in and I was starting to feel claustrophobic, and within minutes, some drunk chick was about to puke on my shoes. I'm sorry Kaiser Chiefs, I'm sure your performance was fine, but there was bad mojo afoot.

Heh. "Afoot."

9:00 PM Lou Barlow  The Parish
10:00 PM Robyn Hitchcock Blender Balcony
10:00 PM Mark Eitzel Cactus café
10:00 PM Ratatat Elysium 
We left La Zona Rosa after being crowded out by the Freakishly Tall People and being puked on. I personally hate being packed in among big crowds, particularly when everyone else is taller than me and vomiting, and I was willing to risk missing The Futureheads tonight if I could see Ratatat as an alternate. Besides, The Futureheads are playing a day gig somewhere tomorrow, I think.

We got to Elysium and discovered that it was already filled to capacity and there was a line of one-in, one-out badge holders already trailing down the street. And they were probably all there to see M.I.A. We were screwed, blued and tattooed, dude.

10:00 PM The Honorary Title Eternal
10:00 PM Radar Brothers The Parish
10:00 PM By Divine Right Exodus
In my drunken stupor I can't actually tell you why I really really liked this band a lot, but I know in my heart of hearts that I did, and I went looking for a CD to buy, and all they had at the swag table were CDs by the Trashcan Sinatras.

It was around this time that I picked up a free teeshirt from a really cute Jack Daniels rep who informed me that if I showed the teeshirt at the bar I would get a dollar off my next Jack Daniels purchase, and I am here to tell you now that it was TRUE, she spoke the truth, a Jack and Coke was the same five dollars as a bottle of Shiner Bock, I kid you not. So kids, ask for it by name! JACK! and COKE!

11:00 PM M.I.A. Elysium 
11:00 PM The Soundtrack Of Our Lives  Austin Music hall
11:00 PM Judah Bauer/20 Miles  Club de Ville
11:00 PM MXPX Emo's Annex 
11:00 PM The Futureheads  La Zona Rosa
11:00 PM Grand Champeen Room 710
11:00 PM Trashcan Sinatras Exodus
They weren't bad. I wasn't blown away, but they weren't bad. The Jack and Coke was really good, though. Kids, if you like Coke, you really oughta try it with JACK.
11:15 PM Graham Coxon Stubbs
12:00 AM Stan Ridgway Cactus café
12:00 AM Clem Snide  Exodus
More extremely kickass rockin' from Clem Snide. And here's picture of the guitarist actually using the bow and the banjo. If you're still not convinced you should go see this band, maybe this will help. That guitarist? The one who coaxes the most amazing noises out of instruments you'd least expect to hear them from? He looks a helluva lot like the guy who played Robocop. The CLEM SNIDE GUITARIST is ROBOCOP! GO SEE THIS BAND!
12:00 AM Hot Hot Heat La Zona Rosa
12:15 AM Robert Plant Austin Music hall
12:30 AM Fatboy Slim  Stubbs
1:00 AM Rogers Sisters Buffalo Billiards
1:00 AM Webb Wilder & the Nashvegans Antone's
1:00 AM SubArachnoid Space Blender Balcony
1:00 AM Tegan & Sara Eternal
I went to this venue and was there promptly at 1 AM, but Tegan and Sara didn't start on time according to my watch, and my legs were crapping out, so I returned to the hotel.
1:00 AM Doves  La Zona Rosa
Afterhours party Fatboy Slim, Queens of the Stone Age  EAST FIRST GARDEN THEATER 

A Weird Thing About the Hotel

This card was hanging in the shower, on the towel bar, in our hotel:

(Gah... I'm really sorry, but the joke was there, and I had to use it.)

Friday, March 18th, 2005

This was my last chance to see the Futureheads, but the gig was a private day party for Spin magazine. I don't subscribe to Spin, so I didn't get an invitation. I had planned for this sort of thing, though, by printing up some business cards that looked a lot like this:

 

...but when we got to the venue, the folks checking for SPIN IDs didn't look like they had a sense of humor, so I didn't try it. We decided to go drink at the Gingerman instead.

2:00 PM Knife Skills Ruta Maya 
2:25 PM The Frames Emo's Outside
3:00 PM The Kills Waterloo Records
3:00 PM Petty Booka Cheapo Records
3:45 PM Calexico Emo's Outside
4:00 PM Ratatat Victory Grill
4:00 PM Carolyn Wonderland Texas Music Cafe 
5:00 PM Cracker/Camper Jovita's
5:00 PM M.I.A. Victory Grill
6:00 PM Alejandro Escovedo Town Lake Stage at Auditorium Shores
7:30 PM Ian Hunter  Town Lake Stage at Auditorium Shores
2:00 PM til... 6? Drinking heavily and inadvertently offending people  The Ginger Man
If you have a business and you're not sure how to go about managing your company's centralized email, calendar and contact needs, or you just don't want to have to deal with the hassles yourself, I met a guy who does MS Exchange Server hosting, and his website is http://www.emailexchanger.com/

He seems like a real good egg.

8:00 PM The Lashes Emo's Main Room
8:00 PM Morningwood Eternal 
I love this chanteuse, this siren, this temptress, this vixen, this scamp, this ass-kickin' dynamo, this, this, ... drat, the Merriam-Webster thesaurus ran out of synonyms after ass-kickin' dynamo.

Prior to the fest I did some research and learned that this band has a recording coming out soon that is produced by Gil Norton, who I hold in high esteem for his Pixies work, among other things. So I marked this one as a must-see on my calendar, and was not disappointed. Loud, driving, lots of attitude, and yes, the singer is a babe.

And she asked for someone to buy her some whiskey, so I did. 

Do I feel used? In a good way, perhaps, yes.

But hey, at least I didn't buy her a teeshirt or anything impulsive like that.

8:00 PM Robyn Hitchcock Cactus café
9:00 PM The Heavenly States Antone's
Calexico is my must-see band for the night, so I plant myself at Antone's early, and I am not disappointed with the results. The Heavenly States tore it up, man.

Call me old-fashioned, but I think a violin can only help a rock band.

This band does good things with violins and with rock in general.

If pressed, I would probably buy them whiskey, but probably not an Antone's teeshirt.

10:00 PM The Aquabats Emo's Jr. 
10:00 PM Biffy Clyro Exodus 
10:00 PM Nicolai Dunger Antone's 
In retrospect I have been able to learn that this guy is Swedish, which is interesting, I guess, in the sense that I wouldn't have known it from his showcase alone. He didn't play "Dancing Queen," which is normally a dead giveaway(*).

He played very good rootsy, bluesy, rocky, soulful music.

(*)A long time ago a singer/songwriter by the name of Milo Binder did a cover of Abba's "Dancing Queen" which is my favorite cover song of all time. I don't know if Milo Binder is still around, but if he is and you know where he is, please let me know and I will buy you whiskey or maybe even an Antone's teeshirt.

10:30 PM Robyn Hitchcock  La Zona Rosa
11:00 PM The Go! Team Buffalo Billiards
11:00 PM The Raveonettes  Emo's Main Room 
11:00 PM Ash  Eternal
11:00 PM Michael Haaga Habana Calle 6 
11:00 PM Mando Saenz  Mother Egan's 
11:00 PM Viva K Pecan St. Ale House
11:00 PM Jolie Holland Antone's
I may have lost an hour of time here. I don't know. I don't remember seeing this person perform, but I am pretty sure I didn't leave the venue.

I should point out that by now I had likely been drinking for about 9 hours straight, with only the occasional bathroom or meal break.

Roundabout this time, I also vaguely recall buying an Antone's teeshirt for a cute girl in appreciation for her having saved my spot next to her at the front of the stage while I went off to pee and get more beer. She looked a lot like Ashlee Simpson. She was there to see the Frames at midnight.  We had a good Frames-related conversation, but sadly, I don't think our relationship was ever meant to be. Apart from our mutual interests in things like The Frames and maintaining our prime positions in front of the stage, we didn't really have a whole lot to talk about. Plus I think I may have somehow inadvertently offended her when I used the phrase "lip-sync." 

11:30 PM John Cale La Zona Rosa
12:00 AM The Frames Antone's
The Frames! Woooo! This is a band that I have never seen, but I have some familiarity with. About 10 or 12 or 14 years ago, they released their debut album, "Another Love Song," and HEY, most of it was produced by the same Gil Norton who I just mentioned in the above Morningwood blurb, so suffice it to say I AM A FAN, albeit estranged, since I haven't really kept up with them over the years.

But I know they have been playing the SXSW festival for the last few years, and I've had them on my list of sxsw "options" even though I've never actually "opted" to see them.

And after seeing this performance, I am kicking myself. 

Literally. 

Ouch. Ouch.

Ouch.

What a great band. They're from Dublin. And in addition to the tight musicianship, they've got the cool accents. 

12:00 AM Dogs Die in Hot Cars Buffalo Billiards
12:00 AM Har Mar Superstar  Emo's Main Room 
12:00 AM Stephen Malkmus  The Parish
12:00 AM BLEACH03 Whisky Bar 
12:00 AM Special DJ set by Fischerspooner  Stubb's
12:30 AM Spoon La Zona Rosa
12:30 AM New York Dolls Stubb's
1:00 AM Calexico Antone's
While this performance may, indeed, be ranked up among the Best of the Fest for me, it was still a bit of a disappointment. 

Calexico is a band from Tucson who has an AWESOME dvd out, called "World Drifts In," which is a live performance recorded in London, and if you have a good DVD player and a good stereo to pump the audio through, you may very well have a religious experience, whether you are the religious type or not.

Lick a toad, and then think Alt-Country, and spaghetti-western soundtracks played by talented punks, with Mariachi support. And picture the musicians lit by blue lights. And then, REALLY REALLY gaze at your hand.

This live performance did not put me into the same sort of mescaline trance as the aforementioned DVD and a set of headphones did. But they were still DAMN GOOD. Plus, by the end of their set they were joined onstage by the lovely and talented Neko Case, as well as the aforementioned Nick Danger fellow. It's right up there with the Best of the Fest, I'm tellin' ya.

1:00 AM Shonen Knife  Elysium
1:00 AM The Capitol Years Soho Lounge
1:00 AM Pretty Girls Make Graves The Parish

 

Saturday, March 19th, 2005

12:00 PM Lunch Mekong River
I ordered a bowl of soup, and it was served in some weird contraption that was SPEWING FLAMES from the center.

The soup was pretty good, although it did have this funky aftertaste of burning hair.

1:00 PM Knife Skills Spiderhouse
1:20 PM The Frames Trade Show Day Stage
The Frames played an "unplugged" set at the Tradeshow Day stage, and since it was right next door we had to go see 'em. Another spectacular performance, and I got a decent photo, even.
2:00 PM What Made Milwaukee Famous Trade Show Day Stage
Good, poppy rock band. 
3:00 PM Doves Waterloo Records
3 to 7 PM Napped, watched chick flicks on TBS In the Hotel Room
It rained pretty good on Saturday afternoon. Jay said something like, "On the plus side, maybe it'll wash away all that patchouli out there."
8:00 PM The Latebirds Cedar Street Courtyard
8:00 PM Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players  Eternal
8:00 PM Bunky Maggie Mae's
8:00 PM Tracker Red Eyed Fly
Our must-see show for the night was Menomena, and fortunately for us, it was relatively early, as our legs and spines were crapping out.

Tracker was a decent band from Portland, although they took some heat from the Austin slacker crowd for their use of some pre-recorded sounds. Personally, I applaud them for their creative use of feedback, and for the fact that the guitarist/vocalist looks almost exactly like a friend of mine known as The Sorcerer (Rev).

9:00 PM Menomena (*) Red Eyed Fly
This is tentatively my pick for the coveted Best of the Fest award. The crappy picture can't do 'em justice, but they are three guys who play about twelve instruments. Their "story," as I understand it, is that one of those guys authored some software which takes some song elements and spits them out in interesting ways, which the band members then learn and play live. Apparently there is more to it than just sampling and looping. I have their CD, "I Am the Fun Blame Monster" (an anagram of "The First Menomena Album"), and it is indeed waycool. And they do a great job playing it live.

Vocals were not particularly strong at this performance, which is probably the only thing "tentative" about this pick, and it might've just been a bum soundboard mix, but so what. The musicianship kicked ass.

(*) And for the love of GOD, you do NOT want to visit their web site. Ever.

9:00 PM Aimee Mann  Stubb's
10:00 PM The Winter Pageant Blender Bar at The Ritz
10:00 PM Harvey Danger Red Eyed Fly
Saw a little bit of this performance. Was alright, but my legs and spine were crapping out, and I needed to start walking.
10:00 PM Zanzo  Elysium
Japan Night! Seems I always end up closing out my festival festivities at Japan Night.

So, we got their for their last few songs, and the initial impression I got of Zanzo was of a Japanese Mogwai with occasional sythesized vocals. I was lulled into a trance, and then I was shaken out of it with prog-rock time signature changes and screaming. Interesting stuff.

I was impressed enough to visit their swag table, where I was greeted by the Titan Go Kings who did a cheer and lured me in to buying their CD instead of Zanzo's, so 20 minutes later, when I realized I was holding the wrong CD, I returned and bought the Zanzo one, too.

Then we crapped out. The Enb.

10:30 PM The Wallflowers  Stubb's
11:00 PM Petty Booka  Elysium
11:00 PM Charlie Sexton  Opal Divine's Freehouse 
11:45 PM Son Volt Stubb's
12:00 AM Erykah Badu feat. Jay Electronica  Austin Music Hall
12:00 AM Dub Trio Flamingo Cantina
12:00 AM Jimmy Chamberlin Complex Eternal
12:45 AM Aesop Rock  Emo's Main Room 
1:00 AM Vanilla Ice  Cedar Street Courtyard
1:00 AM Ambulance Ltd Exodus
1:00 AM The Music La Zona Rosa
1:00 AM Nada Surf  Red Eyed Fly
1:00 AM Outrageous Cherry Soho Lounge
1:00 AM Los Super Seven  Stubb's